All Their Words

Hey Ryan! I haven't seen you around lately, and I miss you. You always brought such love and light with you. And I miss that. Bring that back sometime. Write me back, when you come back around.  Jonah

HI! What's wrong with you? It seemed like you were mad Saturday. Sorry I was acting so stuck up Saturday, but I didn't feel good. I was sick Sunday. But enuf about that. So you been busy lately? I have. I'm not going out with you cause you're fine. I'm going out with you cause you're a sweetheart and I'm happy when I'm with you. I really love you and I wouldn't dump you for anything in the world! I wish I could see you more often. You're probably getting sick of me writing so I'll wait for awhile before I write you again. -k- BYE! I Love You! Erin

To: Ry-Ry From: Amous Ryan, I'm writing one last time before I leave. Thank you for being a good friend, it has really meant a lot to me. Thank you for still being my friend even when I know I've made it hard. I really never meant to do anything to hurt you or make you mad, and I know I have. It means a lot that you continued to be my friend after these times. You will always be in my memories and, as you wrote on the back of your Senior picture you gave me so long ago, I'll be around if you ever need me. I'll be a phone call away, and between friends, that's not that far. I wish you the best, all the happiness life has to offer. Remember, you are loved, you are a good person, please remember that and don't close your heart to being loved. Well, I think I've gotten deep and sappy enough. It's not like we'll never see each other again, right?! Your friend always, Amy :)' P.S. Someday hopefully I'll find second. Ha Ha!

All I want is to love you, for the rest of my life... To wake up every morning with you by my side, Knowing that no matter what happens, I'll be able to come home to your loving arms. All I want is to share everything with you... To talk to you about our ideas, our dreams, The little everyday things, That make us laugh, And the not so little things, That we can't help worrying about. All I want is to give you my love... As a place you can always come to, For acceptance, Or the simple comfort that silence brings, When things left unspoken,  Can still be understood. All I want is to grow old with you... To watch our life unfold, Our dreams,  One by one, Come true. All I want is to love you forever.

6/26/01 Ryan, Just a note to say I love you, miss you and think of you often. Keep your head up and call me whenever you need someone to talk to. Love Always, Rita

It's been five years since I forgave you for ripping my heart out. Some wounds never heal. You carry my heart still, in your back pocket, unaware that as long as it's still there it keeps me from moving on. And since my heart has been taken, it leads to my breaking a heart or two along the way. It's too late to wish for a second chance, I know this. But hell can still hope, I suppose.

In the beginning, you loved me. Then, after your persistence, I finally loved you. You played your cards and won my love. And I, believing you loved me, loved you. It took you two years to realize you really didn't love me, all the time I was falling even more in love with you.

Ryan, Of all the things that I still have to say to you, even after all this time, the first thing that comes to mind is, I love you. I know I may never see you again, but just knowing that I saw you every day for two years should be enough. I'll keep you inside me. Your smiles, your seductive glares, your sleepy eyes and messed hair. 

Dear Ryan, Hey honey! How's it going? A little better here, I guess. Well, I do have an answer to the question you asked me. ~ Okay ~ The reason I am with you is because I've been looking for someone like you forever. You're everything I want. You're not like all the other guys I've been with. You don't treat me like a piece of meat. You like me for my personality, and not the way me or my body looks. Every, well, almost every, guy I've gone out with, their basic journey was to get me in the sack with them. You're not like that. You treat me human, and I like that. You make me feel so special. It's like when I'm around you, no one else exists. Pretty deep, huh? Well, I don't know what more to say. Work is going so much better. I get along with everyone, and the waitresses compliment me constantly on what a hard worker I am. It's really cool. I've met a ton of people. It's so cool. I have friends! Oh-my-gosh! Wow! NE-way. Hannah an...

Rita, I can't keep this inside anymore. I just can't, I've got to tell you how I feel about you. I've felt love before, but nothing quite like this. So don't mind if I try to avoid you, because this is very complicated. After I tell you this I'm going to need some time to myself. You may not feel the same and I perfectly understand. I fell in love with you at the dance. That other girl I was talking about, was you. Yes, and you are partly the reason I broke up with Erin. I've thought about this long and hard and concluded that I truly do love you. Every poem I wrote was direct to you. I wanted to tell you face to face, but every chance I had, I just couldn't. Every poem you've wrote to me I've cherished and I'll keep them for as long as I shall live. I hope that my deep love for you doesn't ruin our relationship we've built. If it does, it won't be the first time. Please take these words to heart. I'll think about you every mo...

April 24, 1997 Ryan,  Hey! Whatz up? Not much here. I'm just peachy as always. Just hangin' in health talking about sexual crap. Oh joy! That really did surprise me when you called last night. I'm glad you did, even though we didn't get to really talk. I'm sorry I am so confusing all the time. I kept thinking about how you sounded so lost. Well, at least until I said all that crap about how much I care about you. Then your voice got all, I don't know, it just got different. I just want to know what you're thinking, that's all. I just wish you could tell me how you're thinking, how you feel. Just the truth, that's all I'm asking for. Please write me back. It would mean a lot to me. Love,  Jill

Time goes by, and still, there's only you. People come and people go, but you'll always exist to me, As my one and only true friend. Even though we weren't strong enough to support each other, And our all too consuming passion. I still long to be by your side. I need you, I miss you, I think of you constantly. And knowing you no longer need me, Doesn't change how I feel for you. You could rip me apart,  And break my heart. But the last beat of my heart, Will always belong to you. 

Hey Rita, Haven't heard from you in a long time, how come? I am so damn lonely without you by my side, sweetie! I'm dying without you. I'm yearning to see you again, even if just for a moment. I'm forgetting how it feels to look at you, see you smile, listen to you laugh. God, Rita, I NEED YOU! Who can I hold, who can I caress, who can I desire more than life?! You. I thought it would take my whole life to find the perfect girl. Nope. I've stopped searching, I've found you. I know you write, but Rita, it's just not enough. I've never given up hope that you will return. I know you will, cause I've got strong faith that I'm the only one you love, right?! Hope so. I heard about your Grandpa. I'm really sorry. I know you didn't like him that much, but when they're gone you realize you should have loved them more. I know, I've been there before. How are your parents doing? How about school? You still not going? I respect that you don...

Hey Erin, Don't take it personal or nothing, but I really don't want anything to do with you, because I don't want to get any more involved with you than I already am. Because I really can't accept the fact that we aren't together, and if we can't be together, we might as well not be any more involved. So, this doesn't change the way I feel about you, but it's just too hard to even write you, let alone see you. It just confuses me emotionally. So, hey, don't get too upset, just act as if we hadn't even met. Another reason I'm avoiding you is because Rita asked me to, and I'm gonna respect her requests. I'm just writing to you to let you know that I won't receive any more letters from you, so don't write, ok. Consider everything from here on out between us - nothing, because that's what it's gonna be. Please don't cry, because I'm hurting more than you. Ryan Jevne Bye, Forever

I haven't heard your voice for years, but I can still hear its' sweet, soft sound in my mind. The gentle way you said my name, when I was on the edge of sleep as you tried to wake me. I haven't felt your sweet, loving touch for years, but I can still feel your soft, tender hands on my chest and cheeks. The gentle way you fondled me on summer evenings when time had no hold on me. I haven't felt your presence beside me for years, but I can still feel how you felt, there with me, in your sincere and serene style. The way you were so unassuming and authentic, unabashed and unafraid. Your presence still haunts me, in all the sweetest ways.

I hate how you won't talk to me. I hate how you go on with your life pretending I don't exist. I hate how I lied to you. I hate how you broke my heart. I hate how I broke yours. I hate how we were never enough for each other. I hate how every day I don't see you seems like it will never end. I hate waking up alone. I hate feeling that I'm all to blame. But I don't hate you. I hate how when every blue Sable drives by, I turn my head. I hate how everyone with blue eyes reminds me of you. I hate how I fiddle my ring when I think of you. I hate how I can't go five minutes without thinking of you. I hate how the smell of french toast and cigarettes remind me of you. I hate how I can't make one single commitment to anyone or anything. I hate thinking of tomorrow. I hate uncertainty. I hate going to Wal-Mart without you. I hate watching movies without you. I hate doing dishes because of you. I hate doing laundry and not mixing it with yours. I hate watching the sta...

4/27/98 Rita,  Here's another letter that may never get to you. But it helps me to write them, it gives me something to do. Life here is the usual. Went to church yesterday, because my mom threatened to make my life miserable if I didn't. And I don't doubt that she could. She's gotten mean lately. She lectures me every time I turn around. Telling me things I've been told a hundred times, like it's gonna make any difference if I hear it one more time. I went to sacrament meeting and the pianist started playing 'Love At Home' and I broke down. I had to walk out, I didn't go back in there. Don't ask me why. I just didn't, it hit me hard. I had an appointment with a cardiologist today. I didn't go. See, my hearts been hurting a lot lately. I try to keep it to myself. I say one thing to my mom and she freaks. It's not a problem really, I'm just growing. I think it's because my ribs are moving back into place. So, how's life on ...

Dear Rita, There will never be another like you. There will never be another like me. There will never be any others like we. I hope you haven't given up on me. I won't turn my back on you, please don't turn yours on me. I'll be waiting here forever for you. Just tell me what I need to do. To be in your arms again, to feel whole again. I miss you. Say you miss me too. I love you. Say you love me, too. Ryan

Dearest Rita, How's life? How's band? How's Cody? And most of all, how are you? I had the best dream last night. I was at school, during lunch, and you were there. I couldn't see your face, but I felt your presence. I was there with you holding your hand, just sitting there with you. When I woke up, I had an emptiness in me that hasn't left yet, and it's tearing me apart. I feel as if I've left a part of me in the dream, and only you can replace it. Nothing and no one is more dear to my heart as you are. If you're still wondering about Erin and I, well, I broke it off for you. I wrote her a letter and explained to her that everything that was between us would be nothing from here on out, so, don't worry, she has no part in my life, I promise. Well, the reason I didn't write last week was really pretty simple. I was in an accident. Two Saturday's ago, Venessa, Nick, Lydel, Celeste and I went out to eat at JB's. I was riding in the back of ...

Ok, this is what I've been thinking and so worried about. How do you know if you're in love with someone or not? And how do you tell them? I guess you just feel it. The way they make you feel when you're around them. If you truly love this person, and you care about her, then just tell her. Most likely she'll feel the same way back. If she doesn't then at least you'll know for sure. So you really think she'll feel the same? You don't know her like I do. How do you think I should tell her? I mean, if I was gonna tell you, not that I would, I loved you, how would you want me to tell you?? If she loves you, she'll understand. If you were to tell me, I'd want you to just come out an say it. I guess the question's not how, it's when? And only you can decide that.

Dear Mr. Most, Despite all the chaos we've created in each other's lives, you'll always be the man I'll love the most. The man who gave me the most, the man that loved me the most. The most man I've ever had. Seems almost a joke to say it at this point, but there it is. You're the most! The end. Ryan

Ryan I said buy me a sucker! I'm sorry, if I had money I would, believe me. I'm just as hungry as you. Where did you go for lunch today? Just jokin'. I went to this lady's house. We go there to talk sometimes just to waste time. 

 ~ Ryan ~ Wake me up when you get home. Thanx. Love Always XOXOXOXOXO Rita P.S. The house looks GOOD!  :) Thank you!

Rita, It's almost midnight. I couldn't sleep. I can't stop thinking about you, not that I want to. Part of me does. Forgetting about you is impossible. I'm sending a tape with this letter that has a song that comes the closest to expressing how I feel. I miss you, I miss us. I've changed so much, and I hate it. Sometimes I remember what's happened, what I've done, but more than anything, or anyone, it comes back to you. Why? I wish I knew. It's all crazy how things work out. I keep trying to make sense of everything, why I ever fell in love with you, why we fell in love, why? I looked forward to so much, to so many things, to being with someone who would always be there, someone I could love no matter what else happened. But everything happens for a reason. Rita, I don't want to move on without you, it all seems so pointless and scary. For so long I centered my life around my feelings for you, and now that doesn't mean much at all. Memories, hold...

Ryan, Sexy Butt Thank you for that beautiful letter. I needed it. Those are the things I needed to hear from you. Sometimes I don't know how you really feel, and it scares me. Thank you. You're my sweet dreams. Love Always, XOXOXOXOXOXO Rita

May 9, 2000 ❤️ to the love of my life: ❤️  ❤️ Before I slip away to slumber I want you to know how much I love you. ❤️ I will dream beautiful fantasies of you. ❤️ In your arms of sweet bliss.  ❤️ I love you. ❤️  *KNOW THIS...* Now...           And...                    Forever!!! Love Always, Rita

Do you hear the whispers Do you hear the night Do you hear the harmonies Sing with such delight. Do you hear the sweet, Tenderness of love. Do you hear the hours of The dancing stars above. Do you hear the heart Of every kiss you get Do you hear the laughter Of every goal we've met I Love You! Rita

I.O.U. - Ryan L. Jevne owes the temptress 'Kinki' for one strip dance. - Must pay back! X___________     SIGN HERE

~ Ryan ~ Came home for lunch at 7:00. You were asleep. See you tonight. Love Always, Rita

Rita, Kelle & I went to the PARK - Be back in a while.  LOVE RYAN

 7-1-00 Dear Ryan, Well. I think we can put my first house party down as a success! Everyone left at 1:00 AM, and totally sober. Patricia wanted to take your 'Wizard of Oz' poster, and I told her to take it, but she felt guilty. I told her that was good 'cause I'd be living in my car if she did! Well, I miss ya, and I'm thinking about you a lot. Hope work's going well. I love you! Love Always Rita Rosalita

June 22, 2000 Dear Ryan, I just had to let you know how desperately I'm in love with you. I think about you all the time, and can't wait to have time with you again. It's been awhile since I've left you a note letting you know I'm thinking of you. So here it is! I LOVE YOU! NOW....              AND....                          FOREVER! Love Always, Rita

Rita, This name doesn't give you enough glory. You're too beautiful, smart, sexy, romantic and fun for a name like that, but hey I love your name. Rita, that name won't ever mean the same to me. Rita Rita Rita. I could write it time and time again. Come back Rita, come back. I miss you so much. But you've got to promise to write me, ya already have, I know, but promise again, just so I know you won't forget to. If you were here with me I'd make love to you for hours, forever and ever. We could dance together, talk together, laugh together and love together. I had so many things to say to you while you were here, but hey, you make me feel so inferior, almost anything I say to you comes out goofy, so that's why I write almost everything down. I'm dying for a letter from you, with your very own handwriting, kissed by your very own lips, please, write back soon. I know now what they meant when they said, 'you never know how much you love someone until th...

Rita, I'm sorry I upset you, but believe me, it hurt me more to say it than for you to hear it. God I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I guess when a guy upsets the girl, the guy's got to be the first to say I'm SORRY. If it hurt you to say it, then why did you say it? You asked me to. And it's hard to say no to you, and if I hadn't of told you, you would've got mad too. I don't know what to do. If you didn't want to say it, you shouldn't have. I would've rather be concerned if you didn't say it than be pissed 'cause you did say it. Well then, if you won't accept my apology I won't fight it. I'll just cause more problems if I say any more, but I'm sure this won't hurt. I love you. I love you, too!

June 27, 2000 Dear Ryan, ❤️  How's my sexybutt?! Just a little note to tell you how desperately and madly in love I am with you. This time away from you drives me crazy. It makes me look forward to the weekend. Our sweet little daughter is sure full of something tonight. She's so silly. I can't believe she's getting so old. Next thing you know she'll be driving, graduating, and having a family of her own. I don't know what more to say. I love you, and miss you LOTS! Love Always & Forever RITA

My Dearest, Sweet & Loving Husband, I just want you to know how very much I love you. You are everything to me, and you always will be. I love you. Now, and Forever! Love Always, Rita (your wonderful wife)

7/22/99 My Dearest Husband I don't tell you often enough how madly and deeply I am in love with you. You are everything to me. I appreciate all you've done for me, and all you've given me. I love you so much & I want you to know that I always will. I L-O-V-E love you all of the T-I-M-E time. Love Always & Forever Your Loving Wife

Ryan, I'm at my parents house doing laundry. Come down. We can all watch a movie or something. I love you, and miss you. I had a crummy day at work and want to quit. My mom thinks you need to come give me some lovin' and calm me down. Well, I'll see you later. I Love You! Love Always & Forever Rita

~ Ryan ~ Don't forget to drop the checkbook & your check by Arby's so I can put it in the bank. I'll see you tonight. I Love You with all my Heart! Rita Jevne