You hate it when I'm doing something you are not. You hate it when I'm talking about something you are not. You hate it that you can't be in a room with me without participating in the same activity. I was waiting for you to talk to me, but your opening statement didn't catch my attention. But I don't hate you, and hopefully you don't hate me for being me. I'm in the room, but my mind is somewhere else. Total silence is more often than not my savior, but you seem to thrive on responses you get from others, and it bugs you that you sometimes don't get that gratification from me. Have you ever tried to pretend for a moment that something or someone else in your environment did not exist? I doubt it. Constantly trying to understand people and why they do what they do, never slowing down to think that maybe some people are hurt by your casual statements to others about them. But I still love you anyway, even if you can't or won't understand.
To Rita, I know you're out there somewhere, existing without me, and it hurts. Never did I imagine it would come to this, having to exist without you. You were my best friend, so you said. But where are you now? I know you still think of me. I hope you think of me, like I still think of you. Love never ceases to exist, no matter how bad the hurt may be. I know I betrayed your trust. I lied to you. I guess once is all it takes to break the trust. I don't expect you to trust me again, but please believe me when I say, I love you and I always will. So goodbye for now, I hope someday I'll see you, even for a moment, you have no idea how happy that would make me. If you could only see me now, maybe, just maybe, you could listen and believe me when I say, I love you. I love you. Ryan
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