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So Many Things

Ryan -

I wish I knew what to say to you. I'm trying to think rationally whether or not this relationship should go on. I will admit that I have not told anyone as of yet that we are "taking a break." Does just taking a break mean you are still my boyfriend? I guess I'm still not clear on that. It seems easier today, I can't say why, it just does. I don't know if this means that I don't care for you as much as I thought I did or if I think we will just get back together. A lot of the time I want to. I want to be able to hold your hand when I get the urge, or kiss you, or just hug you.

At the same time I think deep down it is best to let it end. It would make sex a lot easier to do without, that's for sure. And I suppose we aren't exactly a great match in more ways than one. Most of all marriage. Do you want it or don't you? Let's say you did, what about kids? Once I am married I can assure you I do not want to use birth control. I like kids, I long for them, do you? Then there is smoking. I hate it when you smoke. And the last major thing, church. I want to go, I want my children to go, and I want their father to as well. 

But at the same time there are so many things about you that I don't ever want to lose. The things you say to me for one. No man has said things like you have and were sincere about it. 

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