All Their Words

Ryan, I am sorry for getting so upset at lunch. I just can't stand there and watch Ashley be hurt like that. I realize that it's not your fault if maybe you don't feel for her the way she feels for you. I urge you, though, to give her a chance. I urge you to get to know her and then decide if she truly isn't for you. From now on I'm out of it until Ashley comes to me for advice again. And if you need someone to talk to, I'm always floating around somewhere. Andi

Ryan, You said, "write it down..." So here it is. Why don't you see why I diet and exercise? I'm too fat. I am not fat obese, ect., I know that. Don't worry I am not going to develop Anorexia Nervosa or Bulimia Nervosa. I am not obsessed & I do not want to look like Venessa, she has no figure. Okay. Now that we have established that let's try to help you understand.  I need to lose weight. Ok? My waist is too big. You've seen me in my green dress. My waist looks like it's 3 feet wide. I have some inches to lose.  I know I have large hips. I've been informed. I'm not blind. I can't lose bone. Just look at my Mom, I'm stuck with an hourglass figure.  I'm not satisfied with how I look. I've been told repeatedly that I'm stupid, ugly & fat. I've had that driven in my head for years. Most females care how they look. Don't tell me Venessa or your Mother don't care about their appearance. I care extremely how I ...

Ryan, Hey, I am at work right now, and there has hardly been any calls. Thank you again for last night. I will always remember that. You have no idea how special you are. I know you don't like the mushy gushy stuff, but I want you to hear it. There are a lot of things about me that people don't know and would not understand, I don't even understand them. Last night was one of the nights where I could not understand myself. Things that I thought were not rational. I don't know why I do that or what happens to me, but there are times I get like that. Thank you for treating me the way you do. You say that you didn't know what to do last night, or how to respond to me, but you did exactly what I needed. You left me alone, didn't say a thing. Because of that I was able to go home and figure myself out, or I should say straighten myself out, and feel better. I am a difficult person, and I don't even know what to do most of the time when I get that way. But somehow...

Ryan - Well Hello there!!! How are you surviving play practice?? You know what? You are so talented, I expect to see you acting with all the greats when you get older... Broadway of otherwise... because you're amazing and you can do it. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that I'll never forget you when I move... which is in 32 days incidentally. Maybe it was because you were my first love, and I mean that, or maybe it was because I saw something in you that I've failed to see in anyone else at RHS. I still love you, but on a different level than I did at first. You're a special guy. Anyways, good luck with the play and crap... Keep writing and acting. Wherever your dreams take you, I hope you'll be happy. "I killed it, Gilbert!!" Love, Ashley 4:20! something to make you smile; or, just think about periwinkle lollipops. Don't let anyone read this, k. I see you kept that ring....

Ryan - Wow, I've really left you in the dark haven't I? Well, all I can say is - that was my fault. It's hard for me to be open. And what happened the other night was probably my fault too - in one way or another I probably instigated it. Don't prejudge me, though - OK? I don't sleep around. If it had been anyone else I wouldn't be writing this note right now. I haven't 'been' with a lot of guys. And in case you wanted to know but didn't ask, I AM a virgin. I don't know what gave you the impression that I wasn't - but I am, and until I find the right person, I intend to stay that way. I won't deny that I have been in a lot of relationships this year, because I have. And in each one I saw something that made me want to go out with them. One aspect. A single thing... one attribute that attracted me to them in the first place. I guess that's why those relationships were so short lived. I jumped into them blindly, almost without fores...

Hey Ryan, All you ever have to do is just ring my bell and I'll be right there at the door for you. So come over any time, and ring my bell! Jasper

Happy Anniversary RYAN Ryan, I can't believe it has been three years since we got together. Sometimes it seems like a lifetime, other times it seems like only yesterday! I know that God had a hand in bringing us together, and I'm grateful! I love you! ~ Your Wife

It's fine, Ryan, my love. It's fine to do your own thing. It's fine to reply late. It's fine to be sad and not talk to me. It's fine to turn off your phone and sleep all day. It's fine to be distant. It's fine to figure things out on your own. It's fine to restore your peace of mind. It's fine to weep silently from the baggage you still carry. It's fine to lie down for a while and forget about everything. It's fine. Remember that I love you, and that includes understanding your chaos, supporting your journey, and giving you enough distance to think. I know that sometimes, you just need to choose yourself, but your love for me remains the same.  You are fine and you'll always be fine. And my love, it's all just fine.

Ryan,  You're such a tease, you always say just what you please and then you walk away, it's not fair. Why won't you ever just stay with me long enough to talk? You're such a cock jock! John

Ryan, I don't know what to think of you! Last night it seemed like things might be better today. Yet as soon as I see you, you suddenly seem pissed. I know you don't like me asking what's wrong all the time as it makes you feel like you never do anything right, but honey, 90% of the time there is pretty obvious reason for me asking. I'm sorry, but to most people the silent treatment means that something is wrong. And it's not that I think something is wrong with you, I naturally feel that since I am the one getting the brush off, I'm the one who has apparently done something wrong. I have told you time and time again that I am sorry for nights like last night, but I can't help it when I feel that way. To be honest I feel so unattractive, so overweight, that I can't even enjoy when we have sex like I used to and like I should, because all I can think about the whole time is that I am not good enough or experienced enough, or pretty enough to really please...

Hey Ryan, Please know I'm with you and love you. Your mantra is, I'm healthy, I can make my life better. I have a great man in my life that loves me. I love you, and you have me to love. Your Tender Tom

 7-27-07 hello my Lovely! Sarah has a half-hour of free time now, so I thought I'd take advantage of the time I had. I know I tell you all the time that I love you, but there is a lot more that I feel I don't say. I look around at my life and see how blessed I am, it's all because of you! First and foremost, I don't think I could have ever humbled myself enough to go back to church had it not been for your amazing example. When you left to North Carolina, I never thought I was doing too bad, but all the changes you made, helped me realize the changes I needed to make. I am still far from perfect, but you continue to be my shining example! I am amazed and proud of your love for the scriptures! The way you just pull them out and read, just because you want to! I love your spirit and the help it is to me! Secondly, I love you for your strength! Things have not been exactly easy in our first seven months of marriage. We have had to deal with family funerals that we could no...

Ryan, I am guessing that you are upset because I didn't talk to you much at rehearsal. Well honey, I don't know what to do! I try to talk to you and stay close to you, and you say you want me to leave you alone. So when I do leave you alone it's like you are more mad! I don't know what to expect! I don't know when you want me around and when you don't, I'm not psychic! You have to let me know. I love you and I love to be with you, but I am not gonna keep trying, just to get snapped at. I know you hate it, but it's up to you. You are welcome to call or come over whenever. I'm just tired of interfering when I'm a burden. Like I said, I love you and mean it. I am here if you want.  🌟 Goodnight 🌟  Love, Katie Jean Krammer