All Their Words

  Ryan, I see you best when I'm asleep, where promises are mine to keep. You hold my hand and say you stay, and dawn does not steal you away. In waking life, you walk ahead, and I keep words I should have said. You smile at me but not for long, then fade into another song. In dreams you're mine, in truth you're gone, yet both feel real at break of dawn. I let you go a thousand times, but still you live in silent rhymes. Only in my dreams. Victoria 

You tried to make me sound like I was crazy, like you did all your exes. Now I understand why. You played on their hearts, like you did mine. You promised the world in forevers on wine stained lips. Then morning came and it was as if your soul had left your body to allow the demons to tell us that everything you ever said was never true. You spoke in two different languages, one that bound my spirit to yours and the other that had no remorse in the lies that came out of your mouth. Of course you feel crazy when one minute you're planning your life together, and the next not knowing why everything has felt like a lie. So this is my last goodbye.  Ryan

 Dear You, I need you to retain that same energy and distance you comfortably did when I was struggling. I need you to remember all the times I was there for you in your darkest hours and how you turned a blind eye to my world crumbling. I urge you to own your decision and lack of compassion and remain seated from a distance. I need you to understand I will never allow those who made me feel insignificant a seat at this table now that I have found my feet. I promise, I will never allow you back in. I do not hold space for the insincere. I do not have time for opportunists. My discernment has sharpened, and my conscience is clear. You chose detachment with confidence before everything turned on its head. Stick to your decision. I don't want anything you're offering now. You know who you are, Ryan

 Ryan, I needed to do something besides watch T.G.I.F. (now a depressing Campbell's Soup commercial is on.) So I decided to write you a note. (I'm also writing you one cuz you wrote me one too.) I'm so glad I have you to talk to when no one else is around. I'm sorry if I was complaining too much, it's just that I was really hurt by David being mad at me. (I absolutely hate it when anyone is mad at me & lose sleep over it.) Then Nikky saying how she wanted a break from me & she couldn't spend every minute with me. It made me feel unwanted, annoying & worthless. I don't know, maybe I'm too sensitive, do you think? I'm glad you're not sick of me yet & I'm so glad you stayed after Jeremiah left. I better go, hope to see you tomorrow.   Your friend,   Amy P.S. I'm a bear

 Sometimes I feel, that my words fall on deaf ears. Sometimes I feel, that you don't feel, how much I care. I know you are hurting,  it makes me hurt too. Please don't walk away. Don't turn from me, while tears threaten. I would never, walk away from you. To Ryan in hopes that he will let me in again

 Ryan, I'm writing just to let you know that I do care about you. I don't want to make you mad or anything. You say I haven't & I hope I don't. I just want to enjoy the time I have left to spend w/ everyone, that is all. I understand you are busy & stressed & I'm not trying to add to it. Because I'm busy & stressed also & I don't want to add to mine. So please remember I care about all my friends. And hope we can spend a little time together before I leave. Well that is all I have to say, I'll see you when I see you & take care.  Your friend always,     Amy :)

  Ryan, I know I've apologized for the way I acted last night & that you've accepted. I'm thinking I need to talk to a counselor or someone. I don't think I'm fully facing up to how much the loss of Matt has affected me. I thought I could handle it on my own, but maybe I can't. I don't want to put my friends that are around through what I did last night. You have been there but I know I can't ask so much from you. Just because I don't feel social right now doesn't mean you can't & you shouldn't be. You might not believe it but I don't mind you going out w/ other friends, it's good for you. If things don't get better by the time school is out I might have to go to Montana, but I don't know yet, I know I need time & thank you for bearing w/ me. Luv always  Amy :) 

 Ryan, Just saying hi. Call me sometime, sorry about last Sat.  :) - Amy (856-4985, just in case u forgot) 

 Ryan, Hey buddy! I was wondering if you know if you can go to Thermop on Friday. We are meeting @ Rae's house @ 11:00. Tell Mark if you can come, or give me a quick call. This will be one of the last trips together. The "Seniors Only" trip for the buddies of the class of '98. Especially since some of us are leaving in June. Well, gotta go.       Nancy

  Ryan, I'm not gonna be able to ask you this today cuz I have play practice and u work. But do you wanna go see Titanic w/ Mark & I tomorrow night? Please say yes. It will be the last weekend I'll be able to do anything for a while. I want you to come w/ us. I'll call tomorrow & see if you'll come. Please do. You can live w/ Mark for one night, & Titanic is supposed to be WAY cool. Talk to ya later,      Nancy

 Ryan, Hey buddy! I got to thinking, and I remembered last year's prom. I was scared because someone told me that they had stopped ordering flowers, and I hadn't gotten Eric's boutonnier. I went down with Rae, and we got it, but I'm not sure I would have if Sister Chris hadn't been there. But anyway, the point is that maybe we should do the flower part sooner. Can I take you to lunch tomorrow? The tux may take awhile, so we can do that on Saturday still. Will that work or not? Well, gotta go. Write back or talk to me or something. Love,       Nancy B. P.S. Don't be scared about prom. Everything will be great, and I promise not to eat you. I'm excited. You being my date, that means a lot to me. More than you realize.   

  Ryan, !Hola mi amigo! :) como estas? Estoy muy bien. Do you understand a word of this? Neither do I. J/K :) It says, "Hi my friend. How are you? I'm very well." Raelyn is very strange. But then again u probably already knew that. Rae says she's not, but we know the truth don't we.... AAGH! She's beating me UUU............ ok. I admit I lied Rae, now leave me alone!!! OK, I'll be serious. Um... I'm kinda lost about what to say. I'm not sure what to say. I guess it depends on what  you  meant, (in your note) but please promise me this, if I say the wrong thing, don't kill me, and don't hate me. First of all, I had way fun at the movies. It was a mega blast! We should do it again sometime. It was  way  fun. We should keep going on double, triple and quadruple dates, they're the coolest!  As far as your note, no, I do not think you are weird (at least not as far as I'm concerned, I'm probably weirder than you.) And if we keep goin...

  Dear Ryan, Um... I was a little surprised to get your note, after all the stuff you wrote me in U.S. History. But, I'm also happy. I hate it when people are either upset w/ me, or for some reason don't want to be my friend. Never be afraid to ask for forgiveness Ryan, it can only help you, and can only hurt the other person (if they are jerks.) Now, I want you to know this plain and clear. You have my full and honest forgiveness for any hurt you may have caused me or any wrong you may have done me. And yes, that includes  everything . I look forward to being your friend in the future. I'm also glad that maybe now you will deem me as one. However, I need to make one more thing clear. I have a boyfriend - more or less. I will not be dating you again. I don't know if that needed to be said or not, I just want to be totally honest w/ you, as true friends are. You probably don't want to anyway, but I had to tell you, so that you know that. I don't want to make you ...

  Ryan, I have a little problem. Let me tell you of two situations I have had or heard of lately. ~ When me, Mark, Bronwyn and Angela went to lunch on Monday, we went to Wendy's. When we were standing in line, Bronwyn and Angela turned to me and said, "You and Mark should go out, you make a cute couple." I said, "I think we are too good of friends." They said, "That's what works best. Just think about it." Needless to say (hopefully), I was VERY surprised and not knowing how to react I just shrugged and rolled my eyes. ~ My sister has library science w/ her friend Meghan 2nd hour. On Wednesday when I was sick Mark came in and was talking to them. All of a sudden he said, (supposedly), "Nancy likes me huh?" My sister told him (supposedly) on no uncertain terms that I didn't. Then he mumbled, (supposedly), something like, "I know, she just acts like she does." Then he left. Are you beginning to see my problem? Now, you could h...

 Dear Ryan J., There are some things I need to say, but please don't be upset by them. If I seem harsh or cruel I am sorry, that is not the way I intended to be, I just want to state my feelings. You need to know clear cut & for sure, exactly how I feel.  #1 - I do not love u as a boyfriend.  #2 - Never did I attempt to get u to ask me to Homecoming, (though there might be another Ryan in US History...) #3 - Though I do not love u, I do not hate u, and I want to be friends if that's ok. If not, just tell me & I'll ignore u the rest of my life. #4 - My grandfather passed away Friday, so if I've seemed upset it's not cuz I hate u, I'm just not having an easy time lately. #5 - I hate the thought of anyone wanting to beat on me. #6 - I hate the thought of anyone calling me a bitch. #7 - I like to face problems, so if they are stupid or untrue, they can be dealt with and put aside. #8 - I firmly believe that most rumors are not true and shouldn't be relie...

  Ryan, I don't hate the play, and I don't hate Kitty. Of course I'll come see it! I don't agree with the scenes that were removed, but hey, they were taken out right? I think it will be really good. I can't write much cuz I have to finish my summary. But I don't think you're a bad person just cuz you are in a play. I'm looking forward to seeing it. Nancy

  Ryan, !Hola! :) I'm sorry I didn't get a note to you sooner. I was going to write during Sacrament meeting but my mom kept trying to see what I was writing. It was really bugging me. Usually it wouldn't, but that time it did, so I didn't write very much (but my note was stupid anyway, so that's okay).  Um... uh oh, I'm rambling, or starting to. I better get to the point before you have to read twenty pages of junk that has nothing to do w/ anything. First of all, let's see... (I'm reading your note so that I remember to answer all your questions.) ...... Bob. Um, sorry to say this, but Bob is getting to be a real jerk. Big time. The truth is if he had asked me the same question, I wouldn't have known what to say either. So for me to tell u what u should have said wouldn't be very nice of me. I don't know if we are 'you know' but if you did ask, the answer would have three letters _ _ _, begin with a Y and end with a S, and have an E...

  Aloha! Isn't this beautiful? I ❤️ it here. Florida, California, this beats them all. If you ever decide to travel, this is the place to go. I just wanted to say hi, and thanks for letting me come with u guyz to Titanic. I enjoyed it, and didn't have to be a loner. See ya later, Nancy

  Ryan, Thanks for letting me borrow this. Sorry that it took awhile to return it. Yer Buddy,                 Nancy

  Ryan, !Hola! :) How is life going? OK here, but I am really tired. Oh cool! We have 3 Laurels! :) Rockin'! Um... I am not sure what to say. I feel like writing but I have no clue what to write. Let's see... Oh! I have to ask u something, but first I have to find out from my mom when I am going to Utah this week. I bought you a little stuffed elephant. I think he's cute, maybe I don't want to give him away and that's why I was so stupid and forgot him. I don't know. I got one for Mark, too (a dog), I'm not sure if he liked it or not. Rae, Ea, & Heidi likes theirs. But I guess if u don't like him u can give him to one of them. (I'll give him to you as soon as possible.) This is weird but I'm going to write what I'm thinking. Have u ever wished you could do certain things as well as someone else? Like giving compliments. Sometimes (a lot) I think them, but I'm just too shy to say anything. And other people say everything that comes to ...

  Dear Ryan, I just wanted to say Happy Birthday. How does it feel to be eighteen? I guess I'll know in about, what 5 days, 4? Whatever, as I was about to say, I hope your day is good, and good luck on those play try outs this afternoon. I hope you get a part you want. Your Buddy,                 Nancy 

  hey Love! Will you take my paperwork in too please? It's all here and signed. I Love You! ~ Katie

  hello Love! Hope you slept well! I ran out of time, but if you want to pack us salads that would be great!  Love you!

  hey Love! if you come to town around 1-1:30 I can go with you to see Joie. Just a thought. Love You! - Katie

  hey Love, I hope you're feeling better  I love you! XOXO - Katie

Dear Ryan, I can only give you love that lasts forever, and the promise to be near each time you call. And the only heart I own for you and you alone, that's all, that's all... I can only give you country walks in springtime, and a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall. And the love whose burning light will warm the winter's night, that's all, that's all... There are those I am sure who have told you, they would give you the world for a toy. All I have are these arms to enfold you, and a love time can never destroy. If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear, you'll be glad to know that my demands are small. Say it's me that you'll adore for now and evermore, that's all.  That's all. I love you. Katie Jean