All Their Words

  Ry-Ry, Here is Carolyn's house key. I hope you will take it to her soon because I thought I'd send the key with a letter to you instead of waiting to get her address. I would have called her mom except I have to be careful with my minutes. So that led me to think that I should just go ahead & mail the key to you, so please, please get it to her soon. I thought I had taken the key out of my purse & left it there but it was in my pocket. Also, don't worry I'm not gonna be a pain in the neck calling. I know you're busy with school & work & everything else. I would like to know what happened w/ auditions though. But again, believe me I know what it's like to be busy, I'm seriously thinking of quitting my job. I'm going to have to next fall when I'm doing my internship because that's going to be 40 hrs a week just w/ that. Ryan I still don't know where I'm gonna go when I'm done here, it's kind of scary. I did have fu...

  Ryan, I feel I need to apologize for being mean yesterday w/ the song. I wasn't mad I just shouldn't have had that tude w/ you. Ryan, the old Amy is here & will always care about you no matter where you are or where I am. It is just taking me time to think there are those who are there for me the way Matt was. I'm trying to be independent and that comes out in that I shouldn't bother you guys w/ my problems or how I'm feeling. I wish you the best for the future, you deserve it. I will miss you if you are in Casper & I'm in Montana, but you know what? We can still keep in touch, it will be ok. W/ real friends distance doesn't really change anything. I needed to get those words out. I'm working on expressing myself better & writing helps. Plus I probably won't see you until this weekend & I wanted to apologize.  

Some fruit for my handsome man.     Good morning          Love you                T.

  Ryan, I'm writing this because there are a few more things I would like to say to you since you are moving. I would like to talk to you in person but you are very maturely not talking to me for the hundredth time in our friendship. I can not believe that you would want to leave things this way. Adults don't act the way you're acting. Don't worry, it's to the point now where I know I am making complete peace w/ the fact you aren't ever going to talk to me. You've made it clear by slamming doors in my face, while smiling. By hanging up on me. I am done trying to be your friend. I want to give these things you gave me back because I want no memory of you or our long friendship. It means so little to you so why should it mean anything to me? If you want to give some things back to me so you can completely forget, feel free. Ryan you know I can take comfort in the fact I was a good & giving person to you. I really do try to be a good person and friend almos...

  Ryan, I'm writing to you because I don't have Sandy's address & she won't talk to me anyway. I don't know what happened while I was there w/ you two, but it felt like you both didn't really want me there. Maybe not so much you, but I knew Sandy had a problem w/ me, though she couldn't tell me, she had to be two faced. I had thought her & I were past her hatred of me but was proved wrong. I called her to talk to her about this & she wouldn't at first, until I told her how I felt she didn't want me there. I know you feel torn & maybe don't know who to believe. I'm tired of caring who you believe anyway. I know I'm a better person than to do that to anyone. For the umpteenth time I didn't do a damn thing to Sandy's car. I can't worry about that anymore. It was hard to deal w/ when I was there. It's unnecessary drama, but I guess it will never end. Ryan I hope you know I'm not a 'lying little bitch...

  Dear Ryan, I am writing in hopes that you can move past any anger and we can be on good terms. I'll admit I've said things out of hurt and anger that I didn't mean. Ryan, I understand you want to leave this town and I support that. After everything I still care about you as a friend and your happiness. I hope you can go out and do what you want to do. And when you move on I would really like us to be friends and communicate. Ryan we have been friends for years (remember PE class) and I have good memories. I really don't want us to be on bad terms. I don't want to be hurt or angry anymore, but when you don't have anything do do w/ me it hurts. I don't know if this letter will do any good of if you hate me so much you can never move past it but I'm praying that's not the case. Again I am sorry for hurting you or being a pain in the butt. I never meant to and if you never talk to me again I still wish you the best. If by chance you do want to talk to ...

 Hello Brandonian, I know it's the weekend and you don't like being bothered. But I'm having issues with unreliable cashiers who don't want to be here and do their jobs. This has been a consistent issue that's recurring perpetually on the front end. There are no consequences for any of the cashiers, so this continues to happen. This doesn't just impact me and my ability to do my job, but it effects everyone, especially our customers. I'm asking that you please speak with one certain lad about his attitude and work ethic. He left for his lunch after being rude and dismissive, he called me a mother fucker as he walked out, stating he wouldn't be coming back. I feel I work too hard around here to be disrespected like that. I look forward to more grocery store shenanigans when I return from my vacation... Ryonian 

  Ryan, I don't know if you'll write back. I hope you will but this is the only way I know to keep in touch w/ you. Things are good here. My cousin moved out & took a lot, even the shower curtain, but that's ok I can't be mad for long, we are family. I'm looking for a different job so wish me luck. I'm excited about next school year already because I should be getting my Bachelors Degree in Social Work & I'm thinking about moving to Minneapolis w/ Nikky, getting a job & going for my Masters Degree, because Minneapolis is where one of the best graduate schools for Social Work is. I want to go back & visit in August before school starts, but I also want to visit Josh in Omaha, I didn't get to visit Nikky & that bummed me out so if I can't visit Josh I definitely will visit. I'll let you know or maybe I'll surprise everybody. Tell Heidi I said hi & I hope all is well, I really would like you to write back. Luv, Amy :) P.S...

 This is a thank you note. Thank you for being there. For saying I love you, When I feel hard to love. Thank you for being my friend, I know it isn't easy. Thank you for telling me I'm pretty, Even though I don't always believe you. Thank you for making me feel strong, When I feel weakest. Thank you for helping me see good, When I feel really bad. Thank you for never giving up on me, When I feel like giving up. For these things and more we are friends, Friends today, friends tomorrow, We will always be friends. Thank you Ryan

  Ryan, I know you think I'm smothering. The last thing you want right now is to see me, let alone get a letter from me. I want you to know I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to hurt anyone. I'll admit I ask too much from you, it is too much to ask you to listen to me when you have other things to think about, it is very selfish of me. I hope I haven't asked for too many chances at reconciliation. I have known you for many years now & the friendship we have means so much just because it has lasted this long. It is because I think of you as such a good friend that I'd hate for it, our friendship, to be over. I'm not asking for sympathy or asking for anything in this letter, because I know I've asked too much from you as it is. I just want you to know I've been wrong, I really do see that & that things can be different. Also, honestly I'm tired of the he said she said bull. So having said that you can take what you want from this. I don't...

  Ryan, Thanks for being a friend who would love me no matter what. Even if I only had one arm. (ha, ha) I'm sorry I took so long to send you something back. I wanted to send Hershey's HUGS (ha, ha) but I wasn't sure if you would like them & so here's some money to buy whatever you would like.  I hope you know I still love you too. I'll be your friend when your hair and your teeth fall out. (ha, ha) I'll still be your friend when pigs fly. Lots of Luv always, Amy :)

  Ryan, I thought I'd write to you because it's nearly impossible to call you. I understand you are in school & have no phone & no wheels, I'm very proud of you for the school thing, I hope u are enjoying it. I'm doing well, still adjusting. I found a job at Pizza Hut, not the greatest but it's money & the people are nice. I work w/ a guy from Shoshoni & a cute guy named Patrick who makes me laugh. I've met a lot of my cousins friends & they all seem nice. We had a party & it was fun, she has a friend who reminds me of Josh, only straight - except he painted his nails - his name is Nate. I'm sending you a pic of my cousin, our puppy & trailer, it's nice. I'm hoping you will write back & send them back to me - I also have pics from Much Ado About Nothing. I might come for break in Oct. - it all depends on if I can't go to Minneapolis to see Nicky. My parents are moving to Douglas so I might have to see them. I'l...

  Ryan,  I'm writing because I haven't heard from you & just wonder why. I understand that you are busy w/ school again, maybe you don't have stamps & an envelope (so I sent an addressed envelope). I'm just asking for a response to my last letter. Also since being here I've given thought to how immature I used to be, and wanted to say now I truly understand how hard I used to be to deal w/, & you were great to still talk to me after some of the fits I threw. I have found a confidence in myself being here that I never knew I could have. It is a good thing & I would like to know how things are w/ you. I'm sorry things couldn't have worked out better when I was there but then I didn't have much control over that. If you are mad at me too you can tell me & I'll leave you alone, but I still would like to know. Hope everything is good. Your pal, Amy

  Ryan, Carolyn & I were thinking it would be fun for us to have some drinks Thur. night or tonight. You should call me from the payphone. ------> Please call even if it's to say you can't make it. We just think it'd be fun. Luv Always, Amy & Carolyn I love you son! MOM P.S. Shakespeare & Ryan Rule!

  Ryan, I am very sorry that, that picture made you think I was mad. It didn't have to do w/ you but w/ my own insecurities & how bad I feel about myself these days. I'm sorry about how me having trouble dealing w/ my situation right now ends up w/ you thinking I'm mad or you being mad at me. Ryan you have been a great friend & I want to thank you for being there as much as you have. I don't want there to be any tension or stress between us. I know lately I have caused there to be. I also know life is short & how friends can come & go. I will make a promise to you that I will enjoy life & think positive if you try to do the same. Ryan, I want you to remember that I will treasure our friendship & love you always. You mean a lot to me. Thank you again for being such a good friend. Luv always, Amy :) XOXO 

 Steven, I hope you remember me one day, and recall the love that we had. I hope you recollect me fondly, and maybe even miss me, if only for a moment. Because the love I had for you was pure, and the trust I put in you was great, and I don't even hate you for throwing it away. I don't even hate you for breaking me, because I know it broke you too. You were broken to begin with, and I just wish that you hadn't used me as an emotional crutch. I was worth more than that. I was and am a living, breathing human being, with a beating, compassion-filled heart, one that was prepared to accept you, imperfections and all. But it didn't work out, and we have both moved on, but I do still remember you. I could never forget a love like that, no matter how badly it ended. Ryan