All Their Words

 RY  I ran the dishwasher, so it should be all clean and ready to use for dinner KJJ

 " Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been." ~ Mark Twain Wrinkles always come with a few gray hairs, and I know you've given me plenty of both! :) You know you are the best thing that has ever happened to me! I want you to know that you did great! I like You! ~ Katie Krammer

  You are the Light of my Life! XOXO  hey honey! I hope you are enjoying your relaxing day off! Sorry if I get lost in my projects, let me know if you need a little attention! * wink wink * I love You! ~ your Kitty kisses to you luv!

  have a fantabulous day my sweet! You mean the world to me and I will be happy forever because I am with you! Love You Forever! ~ Katie Bug  🌻 

 MORNIN' 🌞 SUNSHINE! I had to go home & call the store to see if they need me & to explain why my car is still there. LUV YA! See ya when you wake up. Katie 

  good morning my Love! there is a yummy Orange Julius smoothie in the fridge. I hope you have a good day. Don't feel like you have to go to work today, we'll be fine. I will be working til dinner or later though, so you might get bored. I love You! XOXO ~ Katie Kitty 

  Hello My Love! I made this card for you a long time ago and I lost it. I found it when I was organizing my music stuff at school. You'll probably get it while I'm there, but by mail is better! I love You! Love,             Your soon to be Wife!

  hello handsome! I will probably be home around 11 today & I was hoping we could go to the bank, deposit that check & start a savings account. :) I love you more everyday, thanks for being you! Love,             Katie Bug

hello my dearest! I am going to get Sarah and stop by Aldi for some Airborne. If there is anything else you want me to get, call me. I was thinking Shrimp stir-fry, rice and egg rolls w/ the elders tonight. I told them pick up @ 6:30 if that's ok. I love you! I don't know where I would be without you & I am so glad you're with me! XOXOXO  ~  Kitty

hey Love, I tried to make cinnamon rolls, but, as usual, I screwed up the dough, so I improvised. You don't have to eat any, but I think they taste alright. :) Love You! Katie Bug

To My Handsome Prince Dec 15, 2009 My Dearest Love!  Merry Christmas! There is so much I wanted to give you, but there was always something that prevented it. I had planned on getting you a new Sonicare toothbrush at Target, & I'm sorry that didn't work out. I'll give you the coupon though & as soon as we can, you can get one! I also wanted to surprise you with the new DVD/VHS Recorder, but that fell through as well, so I'm terribly sorry that at this point I haven't been able to buy you anything. I will promise you this though, I have more love for you than could fill a thousand department stores! You are an absolutely amazing husband & I truly thank the Lord for you! We have had some struggles and some challenges, but these past five and a half years with you have been the best of my life. I don't know how I got so lucky as to have you as my husband! (I know I don't deserve it!) You are my Angel! Merry "Kissmas" Love! ~ Katie XOXOXO

 I have this uncontrollable, insatiable craving for your body... BURP! XOXO MAKIN' COFFEE I ❤️ U! Luv - Me!

 Rest well... and please feel better soon. I wish there was more that I could do! ~ Katie J. Krammer 

  i love you Ryan 💋  Hugs and kisses to my dearest love! ~ Katie XOXO

 Dear Ryan, How are you? I'm fine. I'm glad you are Star of the Week. Miss Brown did good on a choose for Star of the Week. I think you are really funny. I don't have much to say but have to fill the page. Well, when you get your Star of the Week letters, you get a free Taco Johns. Well, I better be going now. Bye, Bye. Your Friend, Kylee Gold

I believe in you.  I believe in the way that you are and the way you will be. I believe in the things that you say. You mean the world to me. And if you should go, If you should turn around one day, If you should ever doubt your dreams in any way... Don't think twice about it. Don't worry too long about whether you'll find a place for yourself in the world. You belong! I know that you'll get where you're going someday. For no matter what happens, You'll find a way. I believe in the way that you are and the way you will be. You are a shining star in this world... And you mean the world to me. K.J.K.

I just wanted to say that I am proud of you! I am proud that you didn't back out when you were scared, & I am proud simply to be close to someone so talented. I know you weren't, and probably still aren't sure if you wanted this part, but all I can say is no one could do it better! You have such an amazingly beautiful voice. So many people came up to me (& I am sure you too) telling me what a great voice you have! I hope this show opens up new doors for you! I hope it helps in this puzzle we call life, to guide you in some way. Everything happens for a reason, so enjoy life as it comes! You are amazing & I am so glad you are part of my life right now, you are meant to be!  I love you! Katie Jean

I wanted to say thanks for putting up with me and for doing the little things you do for me! (like bringing me a drink at work!) I know it gets stressful here, but don't lose hope! You will get out of here before too long. Then when you look back, it will seem so much easier to think of all the good memories, that crazy enough, I bet you'll miss this place! I know I will! So hang in there, and if there is anything I can do to make the bad days a little bit better, let me know! You are my favorite! Love,  Katie

You're The Apple of My Eye! 8-20-06 Ryan, Hello Handsome!  Thank you. thanks for being there for me when I need you. thanks for saying the right things. thanks for a million or more wonderful memories. thanks for understanding my ups and downs. thanks for the afternoon naps. thanks for the late night talks. thanks for the snuggles and hugs. thanks for the laughs. thanks for the tears. thanks for the smiles. thanks for you! love, Katie

 Ryan,  I hope that if a love like ours ever finds you again, may the world let it be someone who loves you as deeply as you loved me.  With someone who is never alright with hurting you. Someone who is loyal, kind & devoted. Someone who will never make you feel unwanted. Someone who feels like home & also finds home in you. You deserve that.  I'm sorry I never found that with you.  Stay close to those who feel like home. Brian

 Dear Ryan, If I could tell you anything to save you the time and the lessons in this life, I would tell you to never let anything that happens to you turn you bitter. Don't let the pain of something that was out of your hands turn you cold, my love. Stay soft, as hard as that is sometimes, try. Try with all of your heart to stay tender. I know there's a lot of things that hurt, take us to our knees and threaten our hearts with a stone cold grudge. Let it go. You can't change it, but you can choose to not let it change you. Don't let the pain define you. You are bigger than that, I hope you know. You are never how someone makes you feel. Let it hurt, then let it heal. But don't linger there. Remember who you are and rise above it all. With all my love, Your Bri Guy, Brian ❤️ 💙 💜 

  Dear Ryan, Congratulations! You're Star of the Week! What is your favorite color, animal, sport? When is your birthday? My birthday is May 31st, 1980. What kind of animal have you got? How many? You're very nice and kind. Well, Have a Happy Thanksgiving! P.S. Write back Your friend, Racheal Kirkendall

 No two snowflakes are ever alike good morning love! I don't know what your plan is for today, but I'm going to sleep through lunch. I'm bringing a sandwich that I will try to save for dinner, but it depends on if I can eat at the school. I love you very much! Good luck at your interview! Love,         Me               XOXO 

 Morning Love! I hate to leave a mess, but if you can wait til I get home, I'll clean it. I meant to this morning, but I slept in! SO SORRY!! Love You! Katie

 PLEASE DON'T GO WITHOUT A KISS XO 

Ryan, I am sorry for the frustration that this paycheck has caused, but I cannot ignore what I feel is wrong and what is right. I know that it would be much easier & simpler for us to ignore it and go about our business, but it would just haunt me if we do! I believe that we can do this without causing havoc for everyone too. If we can just pull Anita aside and let her know that we don't feel right accepting those hours and ask her to please find a way to remove them, then I think we can solve it without a big mess. We wouldn't have to take out or mess with anyone else's hours, just cut out the extra stuff. If Anita were to refuse for some reason, which I doubt, then it might get ugly & we'd report it. This is your paycheck and I know that I cannot make the decision, but I pray that you would look at the situation carefully & prayerfully.  These are my thoughts of Pros & Cons: Pros for changing it: HONESTY, LESS LEGAL RISK, IT'S STEALING, PEACE OF MI...

 Sept. 19, 2006 Ryan: Hello my sweetest! I just got back from rehearsal and should be sleeping, but such is life. The show is not going too well at the moment. Jeff, one of the leads, (it's a double cast) is a total Devin. 3 days left and he still doesn't know songs & lines. Grrr. Let's just hope he can pull it off like Devin. Sorry I have been bombarding you with thoughts of me stepping on your new found paradise. Life is just so very different for me now. I miss the simple everyday, mundane life I had in Riverton. I miss knowing there is a part for me if I want. I miss knowing everyone and I miss the constant arts that I had in my life. Granted, I get the arts now in teaching it, but it's hard and it's not the same. I'm much more of a performer to teach. I will try to stick it out and give it time, but with the pay/benefits (or lack thereof of) that I get, it is tuff to do. I am glad to hear that you are doing well and you like it there. It sounds just gor...

 To: My Love  hello handsome! I am waiting for Sarah to finish her acting class. I wish you were going to be home early tonight, I miss you when you are gone! Too bad that little girl didn't work for you, I was really hoping it would.  I'm sure I'd enjoy it, but I don't want to get worn out.  I'm so excited for Sandi! Too bad we can't go visit when it's born. We'll go as soon as we can afford it. Who knows when we'll have our own too! I know you're nervous, but our little moth wants a body.  I keep thinking of that darn house! It would be so nice! If I get this little girl, maybe we could afford it. It would pretty much guarantee us staying here though, so we'd have to be sure. Just imagine having our own house! That would be so exciting. I need to call people about that Halloween party too! See who could come and when! I better stop now! I love you to pieces and you'll always be my favorite! XO ~ your little wife

 Dear Ryan, So what are you doing? You know on these letters I always ask the people who are Star of the Week "what's it like being Star of the Week?" Hey, what's your favorite color? Well, I'm running out of things to say so I guess I'll let you go. Later! Your friend,       Kelly

Dear Ryan, You get three dots, That's it, Just three,  And here they be, The three, I love thee.  ... G

  hello My Love! Just letting you know that I am going to make dinner around 7:30, so you are welcome to join us. Actually it might not be until closer to eight, cuz I will start preparing around 7:00. Not that my reasoning matters to you, see! I even babble when I invite you to dinner! grrr! `~` Anyway. If you're home, you can come, or you can always reheat when you get home. okay, I luv ya, buh-bye!

  Ryan, I know you are going through a rough patch right now, I can see how much you are hurting. But under all that pain, I can see so much beauty within you. The way you healed your wounds, instead of spreading the pain, makes you beautiful. The passion in your eyes when you talk about what you love is what makes you beautiful. Your reality, in a world where everyone is trying to be something they're not, makes you beautiful. The way you treat everyone else like friends you haven't met yet makes you beautiful. Your commitment to celebrating the parts of yourself you've been taught to judge is what makes you beautiful. Your willingness to give to others without keeping track makes you beautiful. The way you remain kind, even when the world is unfair to you, makes you beautiful. The way you go through life, with a heart full of love, makes you beautiful. Always remember that the pain we go through makes us beautiful, too. I love you.  Tom 

  7/12/04 Ryan - I know I just wrote you, but as a part of who I am, there is more I need to say. Ryan, I love you; more than you want, and more than I want. I don't mean to scare you, I know you don't want to be too serious, and I don't either. I don't want you to think I expect marriage or promises, I don't. All I expect is for you to be able to hug me. To be able to be near me without pushing me away. I wish it didn't, but you don't realize how bad it hurts. I know I'm childish and have childish ideas, but I do and I am. I can't help it, but I have this idea of 'my curse.' I cannot keep a boyfriend for more than four months. I know it is a silly superstition, but I can't help it. In ten days it will be four months. If I didn't feel like it was indefinitely going to end, I doubt it would be so hard. You asked me once if even knowing that it will end, would it still be worth it to make it last as long as possible. I thought about it ...

  Dear Ryan, I like you. Do you like Reese and Michael? I don't like any of them. I had to help Micheal with his spelling words. On the mystery pictures, November 7 is an Indian. Have you got any names on the board yet? I've got 2 because Miss Brown didn't think I was working cause I didn't have paper. Your friend, Travis Guthrie 

  There is no greater love than that I have for you, and it is a love I never thought possible. My greatest wish is that despite all else, someday I will have the chance to really be with you, to share all the love I have for you, which is much more than a lifetime supply. I know it's a big wish, but you are the world to me so I have nothing more to lose if I don't try. Always Remember, I Love You.             ~ Katie Jean Krammer

  Ryan: thank you so much for being so nice to me. Especially here at the end of the semester. I am extremely stressed and irritable, and you have put up with a lot from me. You are just a really nice guy and make me smile, even when I don't want to. Thanks! XO Katie

  10-11-06 Ryan! Hello my dearest! This cannot be a long letter because I need to go to work, but I wanted to write you anyway. I hope, by the time you get this, that your boss has called, or you have called him. I hate to hear you so sad, and I know that would help. If things don't work out in Asheville though, you know you are more than welcome to join me! *wink wink* I have to say that I love being able to (at least a little) feel the spirit again! It makes such a difference being able to start each day, with You, Me and God! You are so wonderful and strong, and I am so proud of you!  I wish this could be longer but I will try again later! I love you!  Katie Krammer

  November 5, 2006 My Dearest Darlingest Sweetheart, Hello My Love! I just got off the phone with you... you are cute! I talk to you all the time so I have been neglecting writing you, sorry. Letters mean so much more! I am so excited to be with you and see your apartment! We will definitely have to snuggle by the fireplace... and possibly... you know, for old times sake! Who knows, maybe we can wash your car while I'm in town too! Really though, I am way excited to see Asheville! I want to see so much, the trip won't be long enough! I want to see the city, all the little cafés and coffee shops. Maybe I will bring a nice dress and we could go out while I'm there... it's a thought. I would be perfectly happy no matter what we do! I should probably take the time to look for a job while I'm there, but who knows! I have to get up and go teach tomorrow... blah! It is way more bearable to know that the end is near though. I think I am going to have the concert on December...

8-29-05 Ryan, Hey honey! The kids are at recess and I have nothing to work on. I hope your day is going well. Sounds like you had a pretty full day. At least rehearsals haven't started yet. I don't know how you are going to do it. I guess I am pretty spoiled now with only working 8 hours and no classes. Maybe now I will get my house clean, there really is no excuse for it being so messy. I am planning on doing laundry tonight, but I also have choir at 7:30. Well, the bell rang, I better go! ❤️ You! ~ Katie ~

 Ryan : Hi my Love!! I am waiting for Mom & Moo to get here, so I thought I would write you a note! I will probably call you tonight, but don't forget that you can call me. :) I hope you have a good weekend. Relax, get a break from the midget! If I can, I will get you a SURPLISE! It might be too crazy down there though. Angie is about to POP!! She's already dilated to a 4! Bekah's water broke before she even hit a 2! Crazy how it works. That would be cool if I could see my niece though. Yay, cute babies! Well, I should eat breakfast. Hey, speaking of which, maybe I can get more of Mom's Jam. Yummy! Okay well, I love you, and hope you have a good 4 days! I will see you on Thursday I hope!  XO! Katie K.

- Ryan - I hope you feel better this morning! If not, maybe this will help! XO ~               Katie

 To My Lovely Husband! I hope you know how much I appreciate all you do and how happy I am with you! I may not always feel happy about work or my surroundings, but I am very happy with you! I can't wait to be settled in our new home, making love to you on the balcony! Love you forever! ~ Katie

  Dear Ryan, So how do you like being Star of the Week? I hope I become the Star of the Week next week. So let's get down to business. What is your favorite color? Mine is black if you don't already know. Oh, and what is your favorite food? Mine is steak. Here is the last question. What is your favorite car? Mine is a Rolls Royce. Well, I have to go now, so bye bye. Your friend, Martin

Ryan, Life will get better. In fact, it's not so bad now... So hang in there, kiddo...        ~ Tom ~

9-14-06 Hello My Dearest Monsieur Jevne, I know I talk to you all the time, but I think everyone needs to get a letter now and then. :) I just got back from auditions. I was surprised at how well they went. I am relatively confident at this point that I am in the show, and quite possibly have a leading/speaking role. It's hard to say for sure, but I am sure you will know by the time you get this anyway. I feel kinda guilty for calling in today. I probably would have made it through the day. But if I don't take a break when I start to get sick, I only get worse. I guess I just need to not stress so much in life that I make myself sick. Oopsie! Tonight I went to my Grandpa's 'resident fair.' He is so proud of his new place and new friends, I am truly very happy for him. It can be hard, but it is so nice to have him around. I was so worked up about auditions that I forgot to give him a hug. I have thought about stopping by tomorrow with a card or flowers, just to say h...

5-7-07 Ryan - hey Lovely! I am waiting for Sarah to get finished with her therapy and guess what?! I'm finished with my paperwork! Yay! I am excited for your days off, and I'm excited to start work with my new client! (no names in writing) I hope things will go well with him, I think they will. Anyway it's an extra $89 for this week, and we can always use that. You know, I've been thinking... I Love You! very much and I seem to love you more and more every day. It is nice to snuggle up and watch a movie or "roll in ze hay!" or just go for a drive! I just love being with you! I'm sorry things are tough a bit now, but it will get better, I know that! Someday we will live comfortably and be able to visit our family whenever! Sarah should be back soon! I will always love you, you really do mean the world to me!                                       ...

Dear Ryan, I'm very happy for you to be Star of The Week this week. How many pen pals do you have? I have 2 pen pals. Do you have any pets? I have 4 fish, 1 dog and 5 cats. Lots of animals huh. So how do you like school? Hmmm it's O.K. I guess. What are your favorite classes? Mine are Math, Science, and Art. Oh and I kind of like Reading. I got to go. Your friend, Sherry :)

5-7-07 Dear Ryan, Good morning my love. I just wanted to say that I am sorry for how crazy and stressed I have been. On many occasions you probably wanted to just get on a plane and leave. Thank you for staying. I am sorry that last night I made it harder to sleep with me than in a room that smelt like a burning styrofoam pit. I know that I am and always will be a difficult person, but I also know that I love you. I don't think I could ever forgive myself if I lost my chance with you! You mean the world to me and I could never find someone as wonderful as you again! Please bear with me and know that I will love you until the end of time!                              Love,   Katie

 Ryan, I love you and can't wait to see you, hold you, kiss you and make sure you know what you mean to me. T.J.

 Ryan ~ I don't know what you want me to say. I don't understand why you are upset, or what I did. But I think you are wonderful. I really can't explain how I feel about you. Everything about you and about us excites me and scares me at the same time. Every time I am alone with you, I know I shouldn't be. But anytime I am away from you, you plague my mind and all I can think about is when I see you next. I am sorry about the cigarette issue. I want to be with you, I want to kiss you, but the taste is too strong for me. Please don't be mad. I wish I could explain everything for you, but I myself don't understand completely. I want to just say to heck with everything & let myself admit what I am feeling, but I can't & I won't. Like you said, with you & I both leaving there is no point in getting any deeper than we have. I know these are very scattered thoughts, but that is the way I think.  I love the way you make me smile & I love the way ...

 Ryan, I wish I was star of the week. You're real lucky! I wanted to be star of the week. I haven't been star of the week since the beginning of the year. Jeremy L

 Ryan, Is it nice to be star of the week? I don't know cuz I'm always bad. You should try it sometime. What's it feel like to be good? What did one star say to the other? Who's the new comer? Get it? You're star of the week. I do that to break the ice. JT Lowe

  My Dearest Ryan, I hope you know how much I love you! I love to see you with our Noah, being a Daddy just comes so natural to you. I am sorry if I ever make you feel that you aren't doing enough, because you are doing so much! I am so proud of you for going back to school, & I know you will be a great psychologist & help so many people. Thank you for being so wonderful! As both a father & a husband. I couldn't ask for better for Noah & I. Love You to Pieces! Katie

  Dear Ryan, What's up? Nothing's going up! How are you? So is there anything going on in your life? Nothing good in my life. So do you like math? Do you like reading? Do you like Science, or do you like Social Studies? Well, I don't like any of those subjects! You must think I hate you. Well, here's the truth: Really I think you're ok. For a friend!! Stay Cool, Sloan B.

Ryan, Hello my Love! Sorry it has taken me so long to get a letter sent. I will try to be better. :) I think about you all the time though. I am going to stick to my tradition and get you something from every place I go. I will try to do magnets if I can find them, but sometimes it might be things like seashells from the beach. This seashell is from Pasa Grille Beach, my first beach since coming. There is also a "surprise" from the airport in Albuquerque, N.M. and one from John's Pass. That is where we went on Sunday with the kids. It was a big pirate celebration and the kids loved it! I got myself a ring and a key chain, you will have to see them. I hope you are able to decide what you want to do this Summer. I am sorry that is stressing you out. :( No matter what you choose to do, or where you go, just look for the things that will make you happy. Keep up with the writing too. So I made it through my first semester... not a bad one though. If they are bad the family wou...

7-18-06 Hello Ryan! Just thinkin about you and thought I'd say hi... Hi! So, thanks for the little afternoon surprise today, it was very nice! I'm sure we won't have any trouble passing time when I visit... I hope that's not all we do though. :) That sounds like a reasonable idea about your car. I'm sure it would break your Mother's heart though, you've barely had it a year. But you do have a good point. I still can't believe I was offered a job as a music teacher! I never thought that was possible at this point in my life, it's amazing how things work out. I'm sure that things will work out for you too. I hope that we will be together someday, but you never can tell. One of us would have to take a big risk for that... actually, we both would.  But it might be a risk that's worth it. :) I Love You! ~ Katie

 Ryan, I've got some words for you, you rotten ungrateful developing man baby.  After you get what you want you don't want it anymore. I'd give you the moon but you'd get tired of that soon. You're just like a child, you want what you want when you want it, but then when it's given to you you're discontented.  You're always wanting and wishing for something and when you get that something you don't want it. I could sit on your knee but I fear you would soon grow tired of me. You've got this changeable nature, always changing your mind.  You've got this look in your eye that I cannot satisfy. I don't want to make you blue but you need a good talking to, because after you get what you want you don't want what you wanted at all. You can't fool me, I can see right straight through you. I hope someday you get all that you want, so you'll find that you'll never be happy with enough.  Luke

   Ryan, I'm glad you're star of the week. I think you are a nice person. I like the sweater you are wearing. I like your Trapper Keeper. How old are you? What's your favorite color?? Well, it's been nice talking to ya. Sarah Nelson

Ryan, I can see who you are, you're one who sometimes cannot sleep at night because your soul doesn't know peace. You're the kind that looks for beautiful things in the darkness because that's where your soul has spent some time, in the darkness. You're the kind that love the wolves because you don't fear them. You are the type to play the same old love songs over and over, just so you can feel all of the emotions all over again. You'll wake up each day and slap a smile on your face for the sake of all those around you, just so no one knows the sadness you carry inside. But I see you, as one who struggles to wake up and fight each day. You're one who has more bad days than good under your belt, and you still get up and try with everything you have, even though you want to give up and give in. I can see you, wanting to live the ultimate fairy tale when life has only delivered you material for a nightmare. I hope you never lose that spark I can see burning...

 Jessi , I don't have much time to write this, so I'll just get to the point. How are you feeling? Better I hope. Kitty isn't still upset with me is she? Of course I can't blame her, that was a bad move on my part. But what really upset me was the fact that I told you I would go to that round for you, and didn't. I'm sorry. I don’t think I'll go this weekend. Maybe the next meet. I feel confident with my piece, but not about other things. So, um, I guess that's it. Don’t worry about writing back, you never have before. Smile for me. Ryan P.S. ~ The sun is always shining above the clouds. 

 Just a little note... Mr. Ryan,  You have made me very happy.  You are a beautiful soul and I am honored to have you in my life.  I love you, Tom

From the Desk of Dorothy Desdamona Dixson: A subjective yet objective psychological evaluation and analysis of Ryan Luke Jevne. Provided with the intention to diagnose and assist the individual in maintaining a healthy and sober state of mind. All information provided here is observational only, with the intended purpose of supporting him in mental health and addiction recovery. Ryan has stress arising from suppression of physical sexual desires and insufficient consideration from bodily needs, with anxiety from existing situations that he feels are disagreeable. He has an unsatisfied need to ally himself with others whose standards are as high as his own and to stand out from the common herd. His control of his sensual instincts restricts his ability to give himself, but the resulting isolation lends to the urge to surrender and allow himself to merge with another. This disturbs him, as such instincts are regarded as weaknesses to be overcome. Ryan feels that only by continued self-re...

I hate waking up alone.  I hate knowing you're still out there existing without me.  I hate existing without you.  I feel lost and alone, utterly alone.  All these friendly faces around me will never amount to one smile of yours.  I'd die for just one moment alone with you again.  Not long, just one moment. 

Something in your eyes tells me to jump, yet I hesitate. I can't jump, for I don't see the bottom. How mysterious have you become? Do you have ill intentions? I've this suspicion you feel for me more than you show. What is it you fear? Please don't be afraid of me.

When the truth came out, when you found out I was weak and broken, when there was nothing left for me to give and nothing left to hide, why did you turn away? I've so much more to give now, you probably wouldn't know me anymore. Maybe it's better this way. I'm still looking for the good in this. I can't find any. Why wasn't I good enough for you? I gave and I gave, and I'll continue to give, anything you still want from me. It's too late now, there's no turning back, no more I love you's, no more kisses goodnight, no more outrageous fights. I'll miss it though, all of it, the good, the bad and the bitter. 

Hey Buddy, What's up? Not much here. I am so sorry about what happened Saturday night. I hope you get feeling better, and I hope you'll feel good enough to come to school tomorrow. And I wrote this note to tell you thank-you for buying me dinner on Saturday, that was very nice of you. Well I gotta go now because the bell is about to ring.  A friend always, Celeste Sotelo P.S. GET WELL SOON!

~ Ryan ~ Hey Gilbert! How's it goin? I know it's only been a few short weeks that I've known you, but it seems like I've known you my whole life. You're just a great guy and I will always remember you. You're a wonderful actor and I know you will go far and succeed in life. I know you will and don't let anyone tell you different. I feel that I have become so close to you these short weeks and I'm going to miss you greatly when you leave.  Like I said in the letter I gave Andrea, I will always be here and I will always take time to talk whenever you want. Just call or write, I'm always here. I will miss you, so much!  If you didn't get the note I gave Andrea, here's my address:  311 East Sunset Riverton, Wyoming 82501 307-856-4726 kato@weirdness.com Love and Good Luck Always, Katie Ramsey

  Dear "R Boogus", I hope I spelled that right. How are you doing? Dumb question. I couldn't sleep last night. I finally fell asleep at 3:00 A.M. I want you to be happy. Give this broken chika a smile. I know how I can make you laugh... can tickle the poo outta you!   Ryan, I will make no more promises if you don't want me to. But none of my promises are empty promises. I will sing of sunshine when you sing of rain, I will sing of ecstasy when you sing of pain. The biggest mistakes we make are the risks we fail to take. But you don't know what you got til it's gone. Don't give up on me! Love Always, Andrea

 Ryan, If I could give you one thing in life, I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes, only then would you realize how special you are to me. Your Tom Cat

Smiles are the great deceiver Shining through the rain So simple So misleading Through my toothy grin You see what you need So false So untrue But believe what you want It makes no difference to me So much pain So much anger My days are long But yours are longer See you when the sun sets So much time In the end

  Ryan, Hey, so how's life? How was school? I'm in Dramatic Lit. We're watching a play called Hedda Gabler, we read it and now we are watching it. I like the movie a lot better than I did when I read it. I just talked to Emily about the temple, it was a very interesting discussion. You know don't you that she is getting married? She is WAY excited! O.K. I've just finished all my classes and since I missed lunch and it's 3:10, I'm starving to death! Don't believe me? All I've had today is two glasses of non-fat dry milk and a non-fat homemade roll. (it was GOOD!) You're probably wondering why I'm writing to you, well I just like it! So there! Ha! Ha! Are you going to send Valentine's stuff to Rita! You'd better. I know how it feels to be a loner on Valentine's Day. I didn't mean to be rude this morning when I said that about seminary, I just miss having you in there! I was worried about it after I dropped you off. I hope you do...

Happy Valentine's Day... There's no place like being in my Ryan's arms, I already love you more than anything... ❤️ I LOVE YOU! ❤️  Your Tender Tom Cat 

Ryan, Hey waz up? Not much here. I can't remember if I'm supposed to tell Ali anything? Do you really like her? Do you even know who she is? Guess what? I get off probation on Saturday the 26th. Cool, huh? This Wednesday I will have been going out with Dustin for 3 weeks. You should draw me a picture, so I can hang it on my door in my bedroom. We'll I better go, I just wanted to find out about Ali. You should call Ali for the hell of it. Or you can call me. Well, gotta go.  Hasta Luego  Your friend,  Brandy Write Back 

Ryan, OK I won't tell Ali anything! What do you think she is ugly or what? I know it wuz a joke but I thought you wanted me to tell her as a joke. Life sucks! Why doesn't your mom want you in the play? Well I'm failing General Science. Yes you will pass. Yep! Your writing is cool. I ain't a little freshman, I'm the best freshman though. Ali didn't think I was telling her the truth when I said I wuz your friend. Then when I wuz talking to you she about shit her pants. Hasta Luego  Love Brandy Write Back Soon

  Ryan,  Before you walk away from me like that again, I hope you'll stop and listen to what I have to say, without becoming too emotional. I seemed to have offended you, and I fear I deeply hurt you. I hope that isn't so. If so, I am truly sorry. I don't feel I got through to you like I wanted to. So, I'll write it down for you. You'll never truly know the real impact you have on those in your life. You'll never really know how much your simple presence in someone's life means. A smile from you could change someone's entire day, and maybe the entire course of their life. Your kind heart could change one soul, or one hundred. Don't run away, don't wait for someone to be kind to you first, be kind to them first. Don't wait for the perfect moment or for someone to change. And more than anything, just be you, the authentic person I know you are, and that we all can see. We'll all love you, despite all the fear I can see behind your eyes. Don...

Ryan - The sun is hung in your smile. The stars in your eyes. You are the knight to my day. 

Hey Sugar ~ I just dropped by - it's 4:45pm - to see if you wanted to have dinner, but you are not here, ask me if I'm surprised.  Anyway, you probably won't get this in time to eat - Call me if you feel like it. Kisses, Jen

You seem to search for a solid idea, One you can grasp and believe. But why would you search for the answer to you, Where the ideas deceive? The truth of your heart and unwilling soul, Is locked tight within yourself.  And the answer to you will never be found, If your thoughts are not in good health.  You let their words bombard your heart, With relentless and driving power. But no one knows you, The real unknown you, Until your greatest hour. Clear your mind of burdening clouds, Born of others' thoughts.  And there you will find your very own mind, One long ago forgot.  The love that I send in great urgency,  Is pure, true, and whole. But clouds on the brain make you insane, And my love will not enter your soul. I accept this fact with hurt and regret, That my love was blocked by pain. But you will not shrug this alias, So we'll ever have clouds on the brain.

I guess I should confess we'd all be in a freakin mess I need to express all of the stress you relieve from my consciousness  You impress with your nobleness and to this we must profess Hangin wit you is like recess  and that's why we love you PRINCESS  by CMF

~ Ryan ~ A thousand times I said it wouldn't be the same. Yet the passion with which we kissed burned like an open flame. I was tasting the bittersweet  forbidden fruits. And questioning why they were forbidden. That's what I ask you now. Why? In your poem you made me question myself, my beliefs, my feelings. I did. I thought long and hard. Should it be? Yes. Could it be? No. For there has to be two minds, two hearts and souls working together to become one. I don't crave any love, I crave your love. I don't crave a relationship, I crave the feeling that you are there. What you do make me question is would it be right? I get the feeling that you mean age wise. Is that true? I realize that you do not love me as a lover, as an intimate friend, as a soothing partner. So I will try from now on to hide my such feelings. But please don't tease me with your tongue. You already know what happens when you do that. Ryan, I long to lay in your arms, to hold you, to comfort you...

you slit my wrists last night   under the stars in the cold Jagged words tore my flesh   all in self defense I won't pretend to know your mind   what you hold inside crimson drops from my finger tips   puddles on the floor Let me tell you what I want   Before you slit my throat By random chance and happen stance   our lives crossed once again looped around in war torn paths   to where it all began My only desire of you   simple as it seems Intertwine with me on the bar room floor   where our chemistry is best Dance with me throughout the night   Forget about the rest I only want the fleeting glance  A rock and roll fantasy This is what I need of you   Nothing else put down your sharpened pencil   clever crafted words With a double edge you broke my heart   what else can I do? Pools of red now cloud my mind   one last breath perhaps don't think too hard about what this is   or what we are together There is no...

You look to others, to reflect back at you love. You look to others for acceptance. You worry too much. You replay events in your head, over and over. You question everything. You yearn to understand people. You have built up a wall, a barrier, and you let few, if any in. Stress is what you make it. Learn to trust others. Find happiness within yourself, or you cannot reflect true happiness back. Take a deep breath. It is OK to relax. Anger is within you... Find it. Then abandon it. Learn to love yourself, or you cannot love another. Leaking energy is tiring. Think of tomorrow. Never be afraid to change. Carry with you the truth of you, that God loves you. Anxiety attacks, not heart attacks. Traumatic events have happened in your past. You give.

May 25th, 1996 Dear Ryan, How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love you for your sense of humor. I like you for your commitment to God & the church. I like you for being involved in theater and acting and helping. I like you for your patience and perseverance, of course, I love you for simply being Ryan Jevne, Fred and a good guy. Fred, Just wanted to let you know I appreciate you. For being married for thirty years, we still have a lot to learn about ourselves and each other. We always will. Don't ever lose your openness to other people. Love, your friend Star Amsbaugh

5/20/98 Ryan: Okay, I'm not going to say as much as I thought I was. And don't worry, I'm not going to say anything you don't want to hear. But anyway, mostly, I just want to say thank you for being there for me. I appreciate it more than I can say. You'll never know. Also, since you're graduating this weekend, I don't want to lose touch. That happens a lot. You were there for me, and I want to thank you. I guess the only way to do that is to be there for you. So if you ever need to talk, call me. Or even if not, call me sometime. I promise that all I want is a friendship. And last of all, if I ever need to talk, can I call you? It seems like my closer friends don't really understand anything. So, do you mind? Well, I gotta go. Nikky 

Ryan, You are the best friend I have and I love you for that and for the incredible man I'm getting to know. I love that you chose me to be in your life right now. There are no words to describe how happy you make me. Tom

Ryan, Hey, Hey sweet thing! How's it goin'? Things aren't too good here. I got your letter. Thanks! I needed that. So I see Venessa told you about Kodiak, sorry I didn't tell you. Hope you're not mad at me! I miss you two, like crazy! I'll come and see you guys soon. Tell Venessa to call me sometime. Oh, by the way I don't blame you for being uptight. I understand. So, how's Riverton? Casper sucks! Actually my life sucks! I can't believe we moved here. There's nothing to do here! I know there's like a mall and stuff but, I don't know. Just when things were going good in Riverton, we moved. Just my luck huh! Well talk to ya later gotta           run                    Bye                            Love,                                        Jess...

Ryan, don't mind the back of the paper. I'm saving trees.  I'm not as vain as I seem or as shallow as I act. I don't base everything on looks. I wouldn't associate with half the people I do if I did. I just can't stand looking bad. I'm not depressed okay. I just got that way every once in a while. I spend so much time acting like someone else I hardly know what I'm really like myself. You're sweet, but don't you think your sister would have a cow if I called you?   - I already have your #  I learn things 

Ryan, I am sorry for getting so upset at lunch. I just can't stand there and watch Ashley be hurt like that. I realize that it's not your fault if maybe you don't feel for her the way she feels for you. I urge you, though, to give her a chance. I urge you to get to know her and then decide if she truly isn't for you. From now on I'm out of it until Ashley comes to me for advice again. And if you need someone to talk to, I'm always floating around somewhere. Andi

Ryan, You said, "write it down..." So here it is. Why don't you see why I diet and exercise? I'm too fat. I am not fat obese, ect., I know that. Don't worry I am not going to develop Anorexia Nervosa or Bulimia Nervosa. I am not obsessed & I do not want to look like Venessa, she has no figure. Okay. Now that we have established that let's try to help you understand.  I need to lose weight. Ok? My waist is too big. You've seen me in my green dress. My waist looks like it's 3 feet wide. I have some inches to lose.  I know I have large hips. I've been informed. I'm not blind. I can't lose bone. Just look at my Mom, I'm stuck with an hourglass figure.  I'm not satisfied with how I look. I've been told repeatedly that I'm stupid, ugly & fat. I've had that driven in my head for years. Most females care how they look. Don't tell me Venessa or your Mother don't care about their appearance. I care extremely how I ...

Ryan, Hey, I am at work right now, and there has hardly been any calls. Thank you again for last night. I will always remember that. You have no idea how special you are. I know you don't like the mushy gushy stuff, but I want you to hear it. There are a lot of things about me that people don't know and would not understand, I don't even understand them. Last night was one of the nights where I could not understand myself. Things that I thought were not rational. I don't know why I do that or what happens to me, but there are times I get like that. Thank you for treating me the way you do. You say that you didn't know what to do last night, or how to respond to me, but you did exactly what I needed. You left me alone, didn't say a thing. Because of that I was able to go home and figure myself out, or I should say straighten myself out, and feel better. I am a difficult person, and I don't even know what to do most of the time when I get that way. But somehow...

Ryan - Well Hello there!!! How are you surviving play practice?? You know what? You are so talented, I expect to see you acting with all the greats when you get older... Broadway of otherwise... because you're amazing and you can do it. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that I'll never forget you when I move... which is in 32 days incidentally. Maybe it was because you were my first love, and I mean that, or maybe it was because I saw something in you that I've failed to see in anyone else at RHS. I still love you, but on a different level than I did at first. You're a special guy. Anyways, good luck with the play and crap... Keep writing and acting. Wherever your dreams take you, I hope you'll be happy. "I killed it, Gilbert!!" Love, Ashley 4:20! something to make you smile; or, just think about periwinkle lollipops. Don't let anyone read this, k. I see you kept that ring....

Ryan - Wow, I've really left you in the dark haven't I? Well, all I can say is - that was my fault. It's hard for me to be open. And what happened the other night was probably my fault too - in one way or another I probably instigated it. Don't prejudge me, though - OK? I don't sleep around. If it had been anyone else I wouldn't be writing this note right now. I haven't 'been' with a lot of guys. And in case you wanted to know but didn't ask, I AM a virgin. I don't know what gave you the impression that I wasn't - but I am, and until I find the right person, I intend to stay that way. I won't deny that I have been in a lot of relationships this year, because I have. And in each one I saw something that made me want to go out with them. One aspect. A single thing... one attribute that attracted me to them in the first place. I guess that's why those relationships were so short lived. I jumped into them blindly, almost without fores...

Hey Ryan, All you ever have to do is just ring my bell and I'll be right there at the door for you. So come over any time, and ring my bell! Jasper

Happy Anniversary RYAN Ryan, I can't believe it has been three years since we got together. Sometimes it seems like a lifetime, other times it seems like only yesterday! I know that God had a hand in bringing us together, and I'm grateful! I love you! ~ Your Wife

It's fine, Ryan, my love. It's fine to do your own thing. It's fine to reply late. It's fine to be sad and not talk to me. It's fine to turn off your phone and sleep all day. It's fine to be distant. It's fine to figure things out on your own. It's fine to restore your peace of mind. It's fine to weep silently from the baggage you still carry. It's fine to lie down for a while and forget about everything. It's fine. Remember that I love you, and that includes understanding your chaos, supporting your journey, and giving you enough distance to think. I know that sometimes, you just need to choose yourself, but your love for me remains the same.  You are fine and you'll always be fine. And my love, it's all just fine.

Ryan,  You're such a tease, you always say just what you please and then you walk away, it's not fair. Why won't you ever just stay with me long enough to talk? You're such a cock jock! John

Ryan, I don't know what to think of you! Last night it seemed like things might be better today. Yet as soon as I see you, you suddenly seem pissed. I know you don't like me asking what's wrong all the time as it makes you feel like you never do anything right, but honey, 90% of the time there is pretty obvious reason for me asking. I'm sorry, but to most people the silent treatment means that something is wrong. And it's not that I think something is wrong with you, I naturally feel that since I am the one getting the brush off, I'm the one who has apparently done something wrong. I have told you time and time again that I am sorry for nights like last night, but I can't help it when I feel that way. To be honest I feel so unattractive, so overweight, that I can't even enjoy when we have sex like I used to and like I should, because all I can think about the whole time is that I am not good enough or experienced enough, or pretty enough to really please...

Hey Ryan, Please know I'm with you and love you. Your mantra is, I'm healthy, I can make my life better. I have a great man in my life that loves me. I love you, and you have me to love. Your Tender Tom

 7-27-07 hello my Lovely! Sarah has a half-hour of free time now, so I thought I'd take advantage of the time I had. I know I tell you all the time that I love you, but there is a lot more that I feel I don't say. I look around at my life and see how blessed I am, it's all because of you! First and foremost, I don't think I could have ever humbled myself enough to go back to church had it not been for your amazing example. When you left to North Carolina, I never thought I was doing too bad, but all the changes you made, helped me realize the changes I needed to make. I am still far from perfect, but you continue to be my shining example! I am amazed and proud of your love for the scriptures! The way you just pull them out and read, just because you want to! I love your spirit and the help it is to me! Secondly, I love you for your strength! Things have not been exactly easy in our first seven months of marriage. We have had to deal with family funerals that we could no...