All Their Words

  Ryan, I see you best when I'm asleep, where promises are mine to keep. You hold my hand and say you stay, and dawn does not steal you away. In waking life, you walk ahead, and I keep words I should have said. You smile at me but not for long, then fade into another song. In dreams you're mine, in truth you're gone, yet both feel real at break of dawn. I let you go a thousand times, but still you live in silent rhymes. Only in my dreams. Victoria 

You tried to make me sound like I was crazy, like you did all your exes. Now I understand why. You played on their hearts, like you did mine. You promised the world in forevers on wine stained lips. Then morning came and it was as if your soul had left your body to allow the demons to tell us that everything you ever said was never true. You spoke in two different languages, one that bound my spirit to yours and the other that had no remorse in the lies that came out of your mouth. Of course you feel crazy when one minute you're planning your life together, and the next not knowing why everything has felt like a lie. So this is my last goodbye.  Ryan

 Dear You, I need you to retain that same energy and distance you comfortably did when I was struggling. I need you to remember all the times I was there for you in your darkest hours and how you turned a blind eye to my world crumbling. I urge you to own your decision and lack of compassion and remain seated from a distance. I need you to understand I will never allow those who made me feel insignificant a seat at this table now that I have found my feet. I promise, I will never allow you back in. I do not hold space for the insincere. I do not have time for opportunists. My discernment has sharpened, and my conscience is clear. You chose detachment with confidence before everything turned on its head. Stick to your decision. I don't want anything you're offering now. You know who you are, Ryan

 Ryan, I needed to do something besides watch T.G.I.F. (now a depressing Campbell's Soup commercial is on.) So I decided to write you a note. (I'm also writing you one cuz you wrote me one too.) I'm so glad I have you to talk to when no one else is around. I'm sorry if I was complaining too much, it's just that I was really hurt by David being mad at me. (I absolutely hate it when anyone is mad at me & lose sleep over it.) Then Nikky saying how she wanted a break from me & she couldn't spend every minute with me. It made me feel unwanted, annoying & worthless. I don't know, maybe I'm too sensitive, do you think? I'm glad you're not sick of me yet & I'm so glad you stayed after Jeremiah left. I better go, hope to see you tomorrow.   Your friend,   Amy P.S. I'm a bear

 Sometimes I feel, that my words fall on deaf ears. Sometimes I feel, that you don't feel, how much I care. I know you are hurting,  it makes me hurt too. Please don't walk away. Don't turn from me, while tears threaten. I would never, walk away from you. To Ryan in hopes that he will let me in again

 Ryan, I'm writing just to let you know that I do care about you. I don't want to make you mad or anything. You say I haven't & I hope I don't. I just want to enjoy the time I have left to spend w/ everyone, that is all. I understand you are busy & stressed & I'm not trying to add to it. Because I'm busy & stressed also & I don't want to add to mine. So please remember I care about all my friends. And hope we can spend a little time together before I leave. Well that is all I have to say, I'll see you when I see you & take care.  Your friend always,     Amy :)

  Ryan, I know I've apologized for the way I acted last night & that you've accepted. I'm thinking I need to talk to a counselor or someone. I don't think I'm fully facing up to how much the loss of Matt has affected me. I thought I could handle it on my own, but maybe I can't. I don't want to put my friends that are around through what I did last night. You have been there but I know I can't ask so much from you. Just because I don't feel social right now doesn't mean you can't & you shouldn't be. You might not believe it but I don't mind you going out w/ other friends, it's good for you. If things don't get better by the time school is out I might have to go to Montana, but I don't know yet, I know I need time & thank you for bearing w/ me. Luv always  Amy :) 

 Ryan, Just saying hi. Call me sometime, sorry about last Sat.  :) - Amy (856-4985, just in case u forgot) 

 Ryan, Hey buddy! I was wondering if you know if you can go to Thermop on Friday. We are meeting @ Rae's house @ 11:00. Tell Mark if you can come, or give me a quick call. This will be one of the last trips together. The "Seniors Only" trip for the buddies of the class of '98. Especially since some of us are leaving in June. Well, gotta go.       Nancy

  Ryan, I'm not gonna be able to ask you this today cuz I have play practice and u work. But do you wanna go see Titanic w/ Mark & I tomorrow night? Please say yes. It will be the last weekend I'll be able to do anything for a while. I want you to come w/ us. I'll call tomorrow & see if you'll come. Please do. You can live w/ Mark for one night, & Titanic is supposed to be WAY cool. Talk to ya later,      Nancy

 Ryan, Hey buddy! I got to thinking, and I remembered last year's prom. I was scared because someone told me that they had stopped ordering flowers, and I hadn't gotten Eric's boutonnier. I went down with Rae, and we got it, but I'm not sure I would have if Sister Chris hadn't been there. But anyway, the point is that maybe we should do the flower part sooner. Can I take you to lunch tomorrow? The tux may take awhile, so we can do that on Saturday still. Will that work or not? Well, gotta go. Write back or talk to me or something. Love,       Nancy B. P.S. Don't be scared about prom. Everything will be great, and I promise not to eat you. I'm excited. You being my date, that means a lot to me. More than you realize.   

  Ryan, !Hola mi amigo! :) como estas? Estoy muy bien. Do you understand a word of this? Neither do I. J/K :) It says, "Hi my friend. How are you? I'm very well." Raelyn is very strange. But then again u probably already knew that. Rae says she's not, but we know the truth don't we.... AAGH! She's beating me UUU............ ok. I admit I lied Rae, now leave me alone!!! OK, I'll be serious. Um... I'm kinda lost about what to say. I'm not sure what to say. I guess it depends on what  you  meant, (in your note) but please promise me this, if I say the wrong thing, don't kill me, and don't hate me. First of all, I had way fun at the movies. It was a mega blast! We should do it again sometime. It was  way  fun. We should keep going on double, triple and quadruple dates, they're the coolest!  As far as your note, no, I do not think you are weird (at least not as far as I'm concerned, I'm probably weirder than you.) And if we keep goin...

  Dear Ryan, Um... I was a little surprised to get your note, after all the stuff you wrote me in U.S. History. But, I'm also happy. I hate it when people are either upset w/ me, or for some reason don't want to be my friend. Never be afraid to ask for forgiveness Ryan, it can only help you, and can only hurt the other person (if they are jerks.) Now, I want you to know this plain and clear. You have my full and honest forgiveness for any hurt you may have caused me or any wrong you may have done me. And yes, that includes  everything . I look forward to being your friend in the future. I'm also glad that maybe now you will deem me as one. However, I need to make one more thing clear. I have a boyfriend - more or less. I will not be dating you again. I don't know if that needed to be said or not, I just want to be totally honest w/ you, as true friends are. You probably don't want to anyway, but I had to tell you, so that you know that. I don't want to make you ...

  Ryan, I have a little problem. Let me tell you of two situations I have had or heard of lately. ~ When me, Mark, Bronwyn and Angela went to lunch on Monday, we went to Wendy's. When we were standing in line, Bronwyn and Angela turned to me and said, "You and Mark should go out, you make a cute couple." I said, "I think we are too good of friends." They said, "That's what works best. Just think about it." Needless to say (hopefully), I was VERY surprised and not knowing how to react I just shrugged and rolled my eyes. ~ My sister has library science w/ her friend Meghan 2nd hour. On Wednesday when I was sick Mark came in and was talking to them. All of a sudden he said, (supposedly), "Nancy likes me huh?" My sister told him (supposedly) on no uncertain terms that I didn't. Then he mumbled, (supposedly), something like, "I know, she just acts like she does." Then he left. Are you beginning to see my problem? Now, you could h...

 Dear Ryan J., There are some things I need to say, but please don't be upset by them. If I seem harsh or cruel I am sorry, that is not the way I intended to be, I just want to state my feelings. You need to know clear cut & for sure, exactly how I feel.  #1 - I do not love u as a boyfriend.  #2 - Never did I attempt to get u to ask me to Homecoming, (though there might be another Ryan in US History...) #3 - Though I do not love u, I do not hate u, and I want to be friends if that's ok. If not, just tell me & I'll ignore u the rest of my life. #4 - My grandfather passed away Friday, so if I've seemed upset it's not cuz I hate u, I'm just not having an easy time lately. #5 - I hate the thought of anyone wanting to beat on me. #6 - I hate the thought of anyone calling me a bitch. #7 - I like to face problems, so if they are stupid or untrue, they can be dealt with and put aside. #8 - I firmly believe that most rumors are not true and shouldn't be relie...

  Ryan, I don't hate the play, and I don't hate Kitty. Of course I'll come see it! I don't agree with the scenes that were removed, but hey, they were taken out right? I think it will be really good. I can't write much cuz I have to finish my summary. But I don't think you're a bad person just cuz you are in a play. I'm looking forward to seeing it. Nancy

  Ryan, !Hola! :) I'm sorry I didn't get a note to you sooner. I was going to write during Sacrament meeting but my mom kept trying to see what I was writing. It was really bugging me. Usually it wouldn't, but that time it did, so I didn't write very much (but my note was stupid anyway, so that's okay).  Um... uh oh, I'm rambling, or starting to. I better get to the point before you have to read twenty pages of junk that has nothing to do w/ anything. First of all, let's see... (I'm reading your note so that I remember to answer all your questions.) ...... Bob. Um, sorry to say this, but Bob is getting to be a real jerk. Big time. The truth is if he had asked me the same question, I wouldn't have known what to say either. So for me to tell u what u should have said wouldn't be very nice of me. I don't know if we are 'you know' but if you did ask, the answer would have three letters _ _ _, begin with a Y and end with a S, and have an E...

  Aloha! Isn't this beautiful? I ❤️ it here. Florida, California, this beats them all. If you ever decide to travel, this is the place to go. I just wanted to say hi, and thanks for letting me come with u guyz to Titanic. I enjoyed it, and didn't have to be a loner. See ya later, Nancy

  Ryan, Thanks for letting me borrow this. Sorry that it took awhile to return it. Yer Buddy,                 Nancy

  Ryan, !Hola! :) How is life going? OK here, but I am really tired. Oh cool! We have 3 Laurels! :) Rockin'! Um... I am not sure what to say. I feel like writing but I have no clue what to write. Let's see... Oh! I have to ask u something, but first I have to find out from my mom when I am going to Utah this week. I bought you a little stuffed elephant. I think he's cute, maybe I don't want to give him away and that's why I was so stupid and forgot him. I don't know. I got one for Mark, too (a dog), I'm not sure if he liked it or not. Rae, Ea, & Heidi likes theirs. But I guess if u don't like him u can give him to one of them. (I'll give him to you as soon as possible.) This is weird but I'm going to write what I'm thinking. Have u ever wished you could do certain things as well as someone else? Like giving compliments. Sometimes (a lot) I think them, but I'm just too shy to say anything. And other people say everything that comes to ...

  Dear Ryan, I just wanted to say Happy Birthday. How does it feel to be eighteen? I guess I'll know in about, what 5 days, 4? Whatever, as I was about to say, I hope your day is good, and good luck on those play try outs this afternoon. I hope you get a part you want. Your Buddy,                 Nancy 

  hey Love! Will you take my paperwork in too please? It's all here and signed. I Love You! ~ Katie

  hello Love! Hope you slept well! I ran out of time, but if you want to pack us salads that would be great!  Love you!

  hey Love! if you come to town around 1-1:30 I can go with you to see Joie. Just a thought. Love You! - Katie

  hey Love, I hope you're feeling better  I love you! XOXO - Katie

Dear Ryan, I can only give you love that lasts forever, and the promise to be near each time you call. And the only heart I own for you and you alone, that's all, that's all... I can only give you country walks in springtime, and a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall. And the love whose burning light will warm the winter's night, that's all, that's all... There are those I am sure who have told you, they would give you the world for a toy. All I have are these arms to enfold you, and a love time can never destroy. If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear, you'll be glad to know that my demands are small. Say it's me that you'll adore for now and evermore, that's all.  That's all. I love you. Katie Jean

 RY  I ran the dishwasher, so it should be all clean and ready to use for dinner KJJ

 " Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been." ~ Mark Twain Wrinkles always come with a few gray hairs, and I know you've given me plenty of both! :) You know you are the best thing that has ever happened to me! I want you to know that you did great! I like You! ~ Katie Krammer

  You are the Light of my Life! XOXO  hey honey! I hope you are enjoying your relaxing day off! Sorry if I get lost in my projects, let me know if you need a little attention! * wink wink * I love You! ~ your Kitty kisses to you luv!

  have a fantabulous day my sweet! You mean the world to me and I will be happy forever because I am with you! Love You Forever! ~ Katie Bug  🌻 

 MORNIN' 🌞 SUNSHINE! I had to go home & call the store to see if they need me & to explain why my car is still there. LUV YA! See ya when you wake up. Katie 

  good morning my Love! there is a yummy Orange Julius smoothie in the fridge. I hope you have a good day. Don't feel like you have to go to work today, we'll be fine. I will be working til dinner or later though, so you might get bored. I love You! XOXO ~ Katie Kitty 

  Hello My Love! I made this card for you a long time ago and I lost it. I found it when I was organizing my music stuff at school. You'll probably get it while I'm there, but by mail is better! I love You! Love,             Your soon to be Wife!

  hello handsome! I will probably be home around 11 today & I was hoping we could go to the bank, deposit that check & start a savings account. :) I love you more everyday, thanks for being you! Love,             Katie Bug

hello my dearest! I am going to get Sarah and stop by Aldi for some Airborne. If there is anything else you want me to get, call me. I was thinking Shrimp stir-fry, rice and egg rolls w/ the elders tonight. I told them pick up @ 6:30 if that's ok. I love you! I don't know where I would be without you & I am so glad you're with me! XOXOXO  ~  Kitty

hey Love, I tried to make cinnamon rolls, but, as usual, I screwed up the dough, so I improvised. You don't have to eat any, but I think they taste alright. :) Love You! Katie Bug

To My Handsome Prince Dec 15, 2009 My Dearest Love!  Merry Christmas! There is so much I wanted to give you, but there was always something that prevented it. I had planned on getting you a new Sonicare toothbrush at Target, & I'm sorry that didn't work out. I'll give you the coupon though & as soon as we can, you can get one! I also wanted to surprise you with the new DVD/VHS Recorder, but that fell through as well, so I'm terribly sorry that at this point I haven't been able to buy you anything. I will promise you this though, I have more love for you than could fill a thousand department stores! You are an absolutely amazing husband & I truly thank the Lord for you! We have had some struggles and some challenges, but these past five and a half years with you have been the best of my life. I don't know how I got so lucky as to have you as my husband! (I know I don't deserve it!) You are my Angel! Merry "Kissmas" Love! ~ Katie XOXOXO

 I have this uncontrollable, insatiable craving for your body... BURP! XOXO MAKIN' COFFEE I ❤️ U! Luv - Me!

 Rest well... and please feel better soon. I wish there was more that I could do! ~ Katie J. Krammer 

  i love you Ryan 💋  Hugs and kisses to my dearest love! ~ Katie XOXO

 Dear Ryan, How are you? I'm fine. I'm glad you are Star of the Week. Miss Brown did good on a choose for Star of the Week. I think you are really funny. I don't have much to say but have to fill the page. Well, when you get your Star of the Week letters, you get a free Taco Johns. Well, I better be going now. Bye, Bye. Your Friend, Kylee Gold

I believe in you.  I believe in the way that you are and the way you will be. I believe in the things that you say. You mean the world to me. And if you should go, If you should turn around one day, If you should ever doubt your dreams in any way... Don't think twice about it. Don't worry too long about whether you'll find a place for yourself in the world. You belong! I know that you'll get where you're going someday. For no matter what happens, You'll find a way. I believe in the way that you are and the way you will be. You are a shining star in this world... And you mean the world to me. K.J.K.

I just wanted to say that I am proud of you! I am proud that you didn't back out when you were scared, & I am proud simply to be close to someone so talented. I know you weren't, and probably still aren't sure if you wanted this part, but all I can say is no one could do it better! You have such an amazingly beautiful voice. So many people came up to me (& I am sure you too) telling me what a great voice you have! I hope this show opens up new doors for you! I hope it helps in this puzzle we call life, to guide you in some way. Everything happens for a reason, so enjoy life as it comes! You are amazing & I am so glad you are part of my life right now, you are meant to be!  I love you! Katie Jean

I wanted to say thanks for putting up with me and for doing the little things you do for me! (like bringing me a drink at work!) I know it gets stressful here, but don't lose hope! You will get out of here before too long. Then when you look back, it will seem so much easier to think of all the good memories, that crazy enough, I bet you'll miss this place! I know I will! So hang in there, and if there is anything I can do to make the bad days a little bit better, let me know! You are my favorite! Love,  Katie

You're The Apple of My Eye! 8-20-06 Ryan, Hello Handsome!  Thank you. thanks for being there for me when I need you. thanks for saying the right things. thanks for a million or more wonderful memories. thanks for understanding my ups and downs. thanks for the afternoon naps. thanks for the late night talks. thanks for the snuggles and hugs. thanks for the laughs. thanks for the tears. thanks for the smiles. thanks for you! love, Katie

 Ryan,  I hope that if a love like ours ever finds you again, may the world let it be someone who loves you as deeply as you loved me.  With someone who is never alright with hurting you. Someone who is loyal, kind & devoted. Someone who will never make you feel unwanted. Someone who feels like home & also finds home in you. You deserve that.  I'm sorry I never found that with you.  Stay close to those who feel like home. Brian

 Dear Ryan, If I could tell you anything to save you the time and the lessons in this life, I would tell you to never let anything that happens to you turn you bitter. Don't let the pain of something that was out of your hands turn you cold, my love. Stay soft, as hard as that is sometimes, try. Try with all of your heart to stay tender. I know there's a lot of things that hurt, take us to our knees and threaten our hearts with a stone cold grudge. Let it go. You can't change it, but you can choose to not let it change you. Don't let the pain define you. You are bigger than that, I hope you know. You are never how someone makes you feel. Let it hurt, then let it heal. But don't linger there. Remember who you are and rise above it all. With all my love, Your Bri Guy, Brian ❤️ 💙 💜 

  Dear Ryan, Congratulations! You're Star of the Week! What is your favorite color, animal, sport? When is your birthday? My birthday is May 31st, 1980. What kind of animal have you got? How many? You're very nice and kind. Well, Have a Happy Thanksgiving! P.S. Write back Your friend, Racheal Kirkendall

 No two snowflakes are ever alike good morning love! I don't know what your plan is for today, but I'm going to sleep through lunch. I'm bringing a sandwich that I will try to save for dinner, but it depends on if I can eat at the school. I love you very much! Good luck at your interview! Love,         Me               XOXO 

 Morning Love! I hate to leave a mess, but if you can wait til I get home, I'll clean it. I meant to this morning, but I slept in! SO SORRY!! Love You! Katie

 PLEASE DON'T GO WITHOUT A KISS XO 

Ryan, I am sorry for the frustration that this paycheck has caused, but I cannot ignore what I feel is wrong and what is right. I know that it would be much easier & simpler for us to ignore it and go about our business, but it would just haunt me if we do! I believe that we can do this without causing havoc for everyone too. If we can just pull Anita aside and let her know that we don't feel right accepting those hours and ask her to please find a way to remove them, then I think we can solve it without a big mess. We wouldn't have to take out or mess with anyone else's hours, just cut out the extra stuff. If Anita were to refuse for some reason, which I doubt, then it might get ugly & we'd report it. This is your paycheck and I know that I cannot make the decision, but I pray that you would look at the situation carefully & prayerfully.  These are my thoughts of Pros & Cons: Pros for changing it: HONESTY, LESS LEGAL RISK, IT'S STEALING, PEACE OF MI...

 Sept. 19, 2006 Ryan: Hello my sweetest! I just got back from rehearsal and should be sleeping, but such is life. The show is not going too well at the moment. Jeff, one of the leads, (it's a double cast) is a total Devin. 3 days left and he still doesn't know songs & lines. Grrr. Let's just hope he can pull it off like Devin. Sorry I have been bombarding you with thoughts of me stepping on your new found paradise. Life is just so very different for me now. I miss the simple everyday, mundane life I had in Riverton. I miss knowing there is a part for me if I want. I miss knowing everyone and I miss the constant arts that I had in my life. Granted, I get the arts now in teaching it, but it's hard and it's not the same. I'm much more of a performer to teach. I will try to stick it out and give it time, but with the pay/benefits (or lack thereof of) that I get, it is tuff to do. I am glad to hear that you are doing well and you like it there. It sounds just gor...

 To: My Love  hello handsome! I am waiting for Sarah to finish her acting class. I wish you were going to be home early tonight, I miss you when you are gone! Too bad that little girl didn't work for you, I was really hoping it would.  I'm sure I'd enjoy it, but I don't want to get worn out.  I'm so excited for Sandi! Too bad we can't go visit when it's born. We'll go as soon as we can afford it. Who knows when we'll have our own too! I know you're nervous, but our little moth wants a body.  I keep thinking of that darn house! It would be so nice! If I get this little girl, maybe we could afford it. It would pretty much guarantee us staying here though, so we'd have to be sure. Just imagine having our own house! That would be so exciting. I need to call people about that Halloween party too! See who could come and when! I better stop now! I love you to pieces and you'll always be my favorite! XO ~ your little wife

 Dear Ryan, So what are you doing? You know on these letters I always ask the people who are Star of the Week "what's it like being Star of the Week?" Hey, what's your favorite color? Well, I'm running out of things to say so I guess I'll let you go. Later! Your friend,       Kelly

Dear Ryan, You get three dots, That's it, Just three,  And here they be, The three, I love thee.  ... G

  hello My Love! Just letting you know that I am going to make dinner around 7:30, so you are welcome to join us. Actually it might not be until closer to eight, cuz I will start preparing around 7:00. Not that my reasoning matters to you, see! I even babble when I invite you to dinner! grrr! `~` Anyway. If you're home, you can come, or you can always reheat when you get home. okay, I luv ya, buh-bye!

  Ryan, I know you are going through a rough patch right now, I can see how much you are hurting. But under all that pain, I can see so much beauty within you. The way you healed your wounds, instead of spreading the pain, makes you beautiful. The passion in your eyes when you talk about what you love is what makes you beautiful. Your reality, in a world where everyone is trying to be something they're not, makes you beautiful. The way you treat everyone else like friends you haven't met yet makes you beautiful. Your commitment to celebrating the parts of yourself you've been taught to judge is what makes you beautiful. Your willingness to give to others without keeping track makes you beautiful. The way you remain kind, even when the world is unfair to you, makes you beautiful. The way you go through life, with a heart full of love, makes you beautiful. Always remember that the pain we go through makes us beautiful, too. I love you.  Tom 

  7/12/04 Ryan - I know I just wrote you, but as a part of who I am, there is more I need to say. Ryan, I love you; more than you want, and more than I want. I don't mean to scare you, I know you don't want to be too serious, and I don't either. I don't want you to think I expect marriage or promises, I don't. All I expect is for you to be able to hug me. To be able to be near me without pushing me away. I wish it didn't, but you don't realize how bad it hurts. I know I'm childish and have childish ideas, but I do and I am. I can't help it, but I have this idea of 'my curse.' I cannot keep a boyfriend for more than four months. I know it is a silly superstition, but I can't help it. In ten days it will be four months. If I didn't feel like it was indefinitely going to end, I doubt it would be so hard. You asked me once if even knowing that it will end, would it still be worth it to make it last as long as possible. I thought about it ...

  Dear Ryan, I like you. Do you like Reese and Michael? I don't like any of them. I had to help Micheal with his spelling words. On the mystery pictures, November 7 is an Indian. Have you got any names on the board yet? I've got 2 because Miss Brown didn't think I was working cause I didn't have paper. Your friend, Travis Guthrie 

  There is no greater love than that I have for you, and it is a love I never thought possible. My greatest wish is that despite all else, someday I will have the chance to really be with you, to share all the love I have for you, which is much more than a lifetime supply. I know it's a big wish, but you are the world to me so I have nothing more to lose if I don't try. Always Remember, I Love You.             ~ Katie Jean Krammer

  Ryan: thank you so much for being so nice to me. Especially here at the end of the semester. I am extremely stressed and irritable, and you have put up with a lot from me. You are just a really nice guy and make me smile, even when I don't want to. Thanks! XO Katie

  10-11-06 Ryan! Hello my dearest! This cannot be a long letter because I need to go to work, but I wanted to write you anyway. I hope, by the time you get this, that your boss has called, or you have called him. I hate to hear you so sad, and I know that would help. If things don't work out in Asheville though, you know you are more than welcome to join me! *wink wink* I have to say that I love being able to (at least a little) feel the spirit again! It makes such a difference being able to start each day, with You, Me and God! You are so wonderful and strong, and I am so proud of you!  I wish this could be longer but I will try again later! I love you!  Katie Krammer

  November 5, 2006 My Dearest Darlingest Sweetheart, Hello My Love! I just got off the phone with you... you are cute! I talk to you all the time so I have been neglecting writing you, sorry. Letters mean so much more! I am so excited to be with you and see your apartment! We will definitely have to snuggle by the fireplace... and possibly... you know, for old times sake! Who knows, maybe we can wash your car while I'm in town too! Really though, I am way excited to see Asheville! I want to see so much, the trip won't be long enough! I want to see the city, all the little cafés and coffee shops. Maybe I will bring a nice dress and we could go out while I'm there... it's a thought. I would be perfectly happy no matter what we do! I should probably take the time to look for a job while I'm there, but who knows! I have to get up and go teach tomorrow... blah! It is way more bearable to know that the end is near though. I think I am going to have the concert on December...

8-29-05 Ryan, Hey honey! The kids are at recess and I have nothing to work on. I hope your day is going well. Sounds like you had a pretty full day. At least rehearsals haven't started yet. I don't know how you are going to do it. I guess I am pretty spoiled now with only working 8 hours and no classes. Maybe now I will get my house clean, there really is no excuse for it being so messy. I am planning on doing laundry tonight, but I also have choir at 7:30. Well, the bell rang, I better go! ❤️ You! ~ Katie ~

 Ryan : Hi my Love!! I am waiting for Mom & Moo to get here, so I thought I would write you a note! I will probably call you tonight, but don't forget that you can call me. :) I hope you have a good weekend. Relax, get a break from the midget! If I can, I will get you a SURPLISE! It might be too crazy down there though. Angie is about to POP!! She's already dilated to a 4! Bekah's water broke before she even hit a 2! Crazy how it works. That would be cool if I could see my niece though. Yay, cute babies! Well, I should eat breakfast. Hey, speaking of which, maybe I can get more of Mom's Jam. Yummy! Okay well, I love you, and hope you have a good 4 days! I will see you on Thursday I hope!  XO! Katie K.

- Ryan - I hope you feel better this morning! If not, maybe this will help! XO ~               Katie

 To My Lovely Husband! I hope you know how much I appreciate all you do and how happy I am with you! I may not always feel happy about work or my surroundings, but I am very happy with you! I can't wait to be settled in our new home, making love to you on the balcony! Love you forever! ~ Katie

  Dear Ryan, So how do you like being Star of the Week? I hope I become the Star of the Week next week. So let's get down to business. What is your favorite color? Mine is black if you don't already know. Oh, and what is your favorite food? Mine is steak. Here is the last question. What is your favorite car? Mine is a Rolls Royce. Well, I have to go now, so bye bye. Your friend, Martin

Ryan, Life will get better. In fact, it's not so bad now... So hang in there, kiddo...        ~ Tom ~

9-14-06 Hello My Dearest Monsieur Jevne, I know I talk to you all the time, but I think everyone needs to get a letter now and then. :) I just got back from auditions. I was surprised at how well they went. I am relatively confident at this point that I am in the show, and quite possibly have a leading/speaking role. It's hard to say for sure, but I am sure you will know by the time you get this anyway. I feel kinda guilty for calling in today. I probably would have made it through the day. But if I don't take a break when I start to get sick, I only get worse. I guess I just need to not stress so much in life that I make myself sick. Oopsie! Tonight I went to my Grandpa's 'resident fair.' He is so proud of his new place and new friends, I am truly very happy for him. It can be hard, but it is so nice to have him around. I was so worked up about auditions that I forgot to give him a hug. I have thought about stopping by tomorrow with a card or flowers, just to say h...

5-7-07 Ryan - hey Lovely! I am waiting for Sarah to get finished with her therapy and guess what?! I'm finished with my paperwork! Yay! I am excited for your days off, and I'm excited to start work with my new client! (no names in writing) I hope things will go well with him, I think they will. Anyway it's an extra $89 for this week, and we can always use that. You know, I've been thinking... I Love You! very much and I seem to love you more and more every day. It is nice to snuggle up and watch a movie or "roll in ze hay!" or just go for a drive! I just love being with you! I'm sorry things are tough a bit now, but it will get better, I know that! Someday we will live comfortably and be able to visit our family whenever! Sarah should be back soon! I will always love you, you really do mean the world to me!                                       ...

Dear Ryan, I'm very happy for you to be Star of The Week this week. How many pen pals do you have? I have 2 pen pals. Do you have any pets? I have 4 fish, 1 dog and 5 cats. Lots of animals huh. So how do you like school? Hmmm it's O.K. I guess. What are your favorite classes? Mine are Math, Science, and Art. Oh and I kind of like Reading. I got to go. Your friend, Sherry :)

5-7-07 Dear Ryan, Good morning my love. I just wanted to say that I am sorry for how crazy and stressed I have been. On many occasions you probably wanted to just get on a plane and leave. Thank you for staying. I am sorry that last night I made it harder to sleep with me than in a room that smelt like a burning styrofoam pit. I know that I am and always will be a difficult person, but I also know that I love you. I don't think I could ever forgive myself if I lost my chance with you! You mean the world to me and I could never find someone as wonderful as you again! Please bear with me and know that I will love you until the end of time!                              Love,   Katie

 Ryan, I love you and can't wait to see you, hold you, kiss you and make sure you know what you mean to me. T.J.

 Ryan ~ I don't know what you want me to say. I don't understand why you are upset, or what I did. But I think you are wonderful. I really can't explain how I feel about you. Everything about you and about us excites me and scares me at the same time. Every time I am alone with you, I know I shouldn't be. But anytime I am away from you, you plague my mind and all I can think about is when I see you next. I am sorry about the cigarette issue. I want to be with you, I want to kiss you, but the taste is too strong for me. Please don't be mad. I wish I could explain everything for you, but I myself don't understand completely. I want to just say to heck with everything & let myself admit what I am feeling, but I can't & I won't. Like you said, with you & I both leaving there is no point in getting any deeper than we have. I know these are very scattered thoughts, but that is the way I think.  I love the way you make me smile & I love the way ...

 Ryan, I wish I was star of the week. You're real lucky! I wanted to be star of the week. I haven't been star of the week since the beginning of the year. Jeremy L

 Ryan, Is it nice to be star of the week? I don't know cuz I'm always bad. You should try it sometime. What's it feel like to be good? What did one star say to the other? Who's the new comer? Get it? You're star of the week. I do that to break the ice. JT Lowe

  My Dearest Ryan, I hope you know how much I love you! I love to see you with our Noah, being a Daddy just comes so natural to you. I am sorry if I ever make you feel that you aren't doing enough, because you are doing so much! I am so proud of you for going back to school, & I know you will be a great psychologist & help so many people. Thank you for being so wonderful! As both a father & a husband. I couldn't ask for better for Noah & I. Love You to Pieces! Katie

  Dear Ryan, What's up? Nothing's going up! How are you? So is there anything going on in your life? Nothing good in my life. So do you like math? Do you like reading? Do you like Science, or do you like Social Studies? Well, I don't like any of those subjects! You must think I hate you. Well, here's the truth: Really I think you're ok. For a friend!! Stay Cool, Sloan B.

Ryan, Hello my Love! Sorry it has taken me so long to get a letter sent. I will try to be better. :) I think about you all the time though. I am going to stick to my tradition and get you something from every place I go. I will try to do magnets if I can find them, but sometimes it might be things like seashells from the beach. This seashell is from Pasa Grille Beach, my first beach since coming. There is also a "surprise" from the airport in Albuquerque, N.M. and one from John's Pass. That is where we went on Sunday with the kids. It was a big pirate celebration and the kids loved it! I got myself a ring and a key chain, you will have to see them. I hope you are able to decide what you want to do this Summer. I am sorry that is stressing you out. :( No matter what you choose to do, or where you go, just look for the things that will make you happy. Keep up with the writing too. So I made it through my first semester... not a bad one though. If they are bad the family wou...

7-18-06 Hello Ryan! Just thinkin about you and thought I'd say hi... Hi! So, thanks for the little afternoon surprise today, it was very nice! I'm sure we won't have any trouble passing time when I visit... I hope that's not all we do though. :) That sounds like a reasonable idea about your car. I'm sure it would break your Mother's heart though, you've barely had it a year. But you do have a good point. I still can't believe I was offered a job as a music teacher! I never thought that was possible at this point in my life, it's amazing how things work out. I'm sure that things will work out for you too. I hope that we will be together someday, but you never can tell. One of us would have to take a big risk for that... actually, we both would.  But it might be a risk that's worth it. :) I Love You! ~ Katie

 Ryan, I've got some words for you, you rotten ungrateful developing man baby.  After you get what you want you don't want it anymore. I'd give you the moon but you'd get tired of that soon. You're just like a child, you want what you want when you want it, but then when it's given to you you're discontented.  You're always wanting and wishing for something and when you get that something you don't want it. I could sit on your knee but I fear you would soon grow tired of me. You've got this changeable nature, always changing your mind.  You've got this look in your eye that I cannot satisfy. I don't want to make you blue but you need a good talking to, because after you get what you want you don't want what you wanted at all. You can't fool me, I can see right straight through you. I hope someday you get all that you want, so you'll find that you'll never be happy with enough.  Luke

   Ryan, I'm glad you're star of the week. I think you are a nice person. I like the sweater you are wearing. I like your Trapper Keeper. How old are you? What's your favorite color?? Well, it's been nice talking to ya. Sarah Nelson

Ryan, I can see who you are, you're one who sometimes cannot sleep at night because your soul doesn't know peace. You're the kind that looks for beautiful things in the darkness because that's where your soul has spent some time, in the darkness. You're the kind that love the wolves because you don't fear them. You are the type to play the same old love songs over and over, just so you can feel all of the emotions all over again. You'll wake up each day and slap a smile on your face for the sake of all those around you, just so no one knows the sadness you carry inside. But I see you, as one who struggles to wake up and fight each day. You're one who has more bad days than good under your belt, and you still get up and try with everything you have, even though you want to give up and give in. I can see you, wanting to live the ultimate fairy tale when life has only delivered you material for a nightmare. I hope you never lose that spark I can see burning...

 Jessi , I don't have much time to write this, so I'll just get to the point. How are you feeling? Better I hope. Kitty isn't still upset with me is she? Of course I can't blame her, that was a bad move on my part. But what really upset me was the fact that I told you I would go to that round for you, and didn't. I'm sorry. I don’t think I'll go this weekend. Maybe the next meet. I feel confident with my piece, but not about other things. So, um, I guess that's it. Don’t worry about writing back, you never have before. Smile for me. Ryan P.S. ~ The sun is always shining above the clouds. 

 Just a little note... Mr. Ryan,  You have made me very happy.  You are a beautiful soul and I am honored to have you in my life.  I love you, Tom

From the Desk of Dorothy Desdamona Dixson: A subjective yet objective psychological evaluation and analysis of Ryan Luke Jevne. Provided with the intention to diagnose and assist the individual in maintaining a healthy and sober state of mind. All information provided here is observational only, with the intended purpose of supporting him in mental health and addiction recovery. Ryan has stress arising from suppression of physical sexual desires and insufficient consideration from bodily needs, with anxiety from existing situations that he feels are disagreeable. He has an unsatisfied need to ally himself with others whose standards are as high as his own and to stand out from the common herd. His control of his sensual instincts restricts his ability to give himself, but the resulting isolation lends to the urge to surrender and allow himself to merge with another. This disturbs him, as such instincts are regarded as weaknesses to be overcome. Ryan feels that only by continued self-re...

I hate waking up alone.  I hate knowing you're still out there existing without me.  I hate existing without you.  I feel lost and alone, utterly alone.  All these friendly faces around me will never amount to one smile of yours.  I'd die for just one moment alone with you again.  Not long, just one moment. 

Something in your eyes tells me to jump, yet I hesitate. I can't jump, for I don't see the bottom. How mysterious have you become? Do you have ill intentions? I've this suspicion you feel for me more than you show. What is it you fear? Please don't be afraid of me.

When the truth came out, when you found out I was weak and broken, when there was nothing left for me to give and nothing left to hide, why did you turn away? I've so much more to give now, you probably wouldn't know me anymore. Maybe it's better this way. I'm still looking for the good in this. I can't find any. Why wasn't I good enough for you? I gave and I gave, and I'll continue to give, anything you still want from me. It's too late now, there's no turning back, no more I love you's, no more kisses goodnight, no more outrageous fights. I'll miss it though, all of it, the good, the bad and the bitter. 

Hey Buddy, What's up? Not much here. I am so sorry about what happened Saturday night. I hope you get feeling better, and I hope you'll feel good enough to come to school tomorrow. And I wrote this note to tell you thank-you for buying me dinner on Saturday, that was very nice of you. Well I gotta go now because the bell is about to ring.  A friend always, Celeste Sotelo P.S. GET WELL SOON!

~ Ryan ~ Hey Gilbert! How's it goin? I know it's only been a few short weeks that I've known you, but it seems like I've known you my whole life. You're just a great guy and I will always remember you. You're a wonderful actor and I know you will go far and succeed in life. I know you will and don't let anyone tell you different. I feel that I have become so close to you these short weeks and I'm going to miss you greatly when you leave.  Like I said in the letter I gave Andrea, I will always be here and I will always take time to talk whenever you want. Just call or write, I'm always here. I will miss you, so much!  If you didn't get the note I gave Andrea, here's my address:  311 East Sunset Riverton, Wyoming 82501 307-856-4726 kato@weirdness.com Love and Good Luck Always, Katie Ramsey

  Dear "R Boogus", I hope I spelled that right. How are you doing? Dumb question. I couldn't sleep last night. I finally fell asleep at 3:00 A.M. I want you to be happy. Give this broken chika a smile. I know how I can make you laugh... can tickle the poo outta you!   Ryan, I will make no more promises if you don't want me to. But none of my promises are empty promises. I will sing of sunshine when you sing of rain, I will sing of ecstasy when you sing of pain. The biggest mistakes we make are the risks we fail to take. But you don't know what you got til it's gone. Don't give up on me! Love Always, Andrea

 Ryan, If I could give you one thing in life, I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes, only then would you realize how special you are to me. Your Tom Cat

Smiles are the great deceiver Shining through the rain So simple So misleading Through my toothy grin You see what you need So false So untrue But believe what you want It makes no difference to me So much pain So much anger My days are long But yours are longer See you when the sun sets So much time In the end

  Ryan, Hey, so how's life? How was school? I'm in Dramatic Lit. We're watching a play called Hedda Gabler, we read it and now we are watching it. I like the movie a lot better than I did when I read it. I just talked to Emily about the temple, it was a very interesting discussion. You know don't you that she is getting married? She is WAY excited! O.K. I've just finished all my classes and since I missed lunch and it's 3:10, I'm starving to death! Don't believe me? All I've had today is two glasses of non-fat dry milk and a non-fat homemade roll. (it was GOOD!) You're probably wondering why I'm writing to you, well I just like it! So there! Ha! Ha! Are you going to send Valentine's stuff to Rita! You'd better. I know how it feels to be a loner on Valentine's Day. I didn't mean to be rude this morning when I said that about seminary, I just miss having you in there! I was worried about it after I dropped you off. I hope you do...

Happy Valentine's Day... There's no place like being in my Ryan's arms, I already love you more than anything... ❤️ I LOVE YOU! ❤️  Your Tender Tom Cat 

Ryan, Hey waz up? Not much here. I can't remember if I'm supposed to tell Ali anything? Do you really like her? Do you even know who she is? Guess what? I get off probation on Saturday the 26th. Cool, huh? This Wednesday I will have been going out with Dustin for 3 weeks. You should draw me a picture, so I can hang it on my door in my bedroom. We'll I better go, I just wanted to find out about Ali. You should call Ali for the hell of it. Or you can call me. Well, gotta go.  Hasta Luego  Your friend,  Brandy Write Back 

Ryan, OK I won't tell Ali anything! What do you think she is ugly or what? I know it wuz a joke but I thought you wanted me to tell her as a joke. Life sucks! Why doesn't your mom want you in the play? Well I'm failing General Science. Yes you will pass. Yep! Your writing is cool. I ain't a little freshman, I'm the best freshman though. Ali didn't think I was telling her the truth when I said I wuz your friend. Then when I wuz talking to you she about shit her pants. Hasta Luego  Love Brandy Write Back Soon