All Their Words

April 6th, 1996 Dear Ryan, Hey. How are you? I'm o-kay- but I'm about to tell you something that might make you very unhappy. From previous letters you have written me, I can tell that you have unresolved feelings for Erin. Lately Bill and I have been talking, and I've found that we also have unresolved feelings for each other. He still cares a great deal for me, and in all honesty, I still have strong feelings for him. I think maybe we should break things off for awhile, and resolve these feeling for other people. Don't get me wrong, I still love you very much, but if our relationship is ever going to work, we need to get these kinds of things out of the way. I hope you understand, and I also want you to keep writing to me. I still want to come see you this Summer, that's if you want me to. Remember, this is only a test to prove how much we really love each other. If we can get through this, we can get through anything. I love you, now, and forever. Love Always, Ri...

Dear Rita, Yeah, I got your letter. I'm very unhappy. I never thought the day would come. I guess it's better for you this way, but hell if it is for me. Why? The feeling's I've got for Erin aren't even close to the loads I've got for you. Thanks for being honest with me, though, I respect that. But, if you really did love me, you'd wait for me. All this "unresolved" crap has nothing to do with us. If you loved Bill more, I'd understand, but I don't. So, there's something you still aren't telling me. What is it? I was right when I said we'd never last without seeing each other. You said nothing would change, I believed you, but now, God I'm starting to cry. I'm sorry it had to go this way, but it's totally your decision. If you want it this way, I'm not gonna fight it. As for Erin, I want nothing to do with her. Some test, I'll fail. Knowing that you're with someone else is tearing me apart. I'll neve...

Dear Ryan, Hey! How's my dumplin' doin? Good I hope. I'm doin o-kay-, but would be doin a whole lot better if you were here. Sorry about bein' stupid that one night. I guess I should know better from now on. But don't ease down, cause it gets a lot worse. I went down to Casper with the band last week, and I got to see Hannah. It was so cool. We, me, Melissa, Jeff and Dwight went to band class and hung out with them. See, we were with the basketball band, and they let us do whatever we wanted to on Friday, as long as it was within walking distance from the Hotel. So we went to N.C. the whole day, was rather weird. That night Dwight got caught with marijuana in his room, and they came in my room looking for some, but didn't find any. So they suspended me and Melissa from band for the rest of the trip. They arrested Dwight and carted him off to jail. Even though they didn't find any in our room, they kept us a suspects because we had spent the day with Dwight. ...

Love and Kisses from your Sweetie at Christmas! December 25, 1995 Ryan, Hope you have a Merry Christmas, And if you had to look inside to see who signed the card, you're in big trouble! Merry Christmas And a Happy New Year! Love Always, Rita Rosalita XOXOXO

My Dearest Darling Rita, You probably don't want to read this, but read it anyway. I'm sorry for the pain I've caused you and I, for the things I've done. I never meant to destroy the one thing that was supposed to last forever. I felt I had to tell you, because if I hadn't told you, what chance would this marriage have of being? I know you're hurting right now and I know you're scared of getting hurt again. But as surely as I'm living and I'm breathing in the hopes that there is still something here worth saving, I promise you that I'll never hurt you again. I don't want to hurt you in any way again. I don't expect you to ever forgive me for what I've done. I know you want to though. I want you to, too. However long it does take you to forgive me, I'm willing to wait. That's the price I'm willing to pay for you, and I will.  I love you so much that every day I am away from you it feels as if a piece of me is dying inside....

8/13/2001 Dear Rita, We aren't getting anywhere not communicating. This won't work one-sided. I'm getting a little impatient. I can only give so much when I'm not getting anything back. I said I wouldn't give up on this, but I am. I don't want conditional love anymore. "I'll love you and be there for you, if you do this..." If that's the kind of love you're offering? No thanks. I need someone who will be there for me no matter what I'm going through. For better or for worse. You've proven to me that you can't be there for me, because you don't want to be there for me. I'm not the only one who's breaking vows here. And I won't be made to feel I'm solely responsible for the breakdown of this marriage. You kicked me out, shut me out and broke my heart. Call it tough love if you want, well I don't want that. If you can't deal with me now, I don't want to deal with you and yours. Living apart will only...

I don't want unconditional love anymore. "I'll love you if you do this." I don't want that kind of love. I want someone who will be there for me. Not someone who gives up on me when things get a little rough. It was supposed to be for better or for worse. Not when I get too much for you, you ask me to leave. If you can't be there for me now, I don't want you there ever. I want someone who will love me no matter what I'm going through. You've proven that you can't be that for me. 

Dear Ryan, Hey honey! How are ya? O-kay- here. Well basically school sucks, but of course that's understandable. A girl that I thought was my friend went and told another friend of mine something that wasn't true, and that started a big chain of events that are never gonna end. That's o-kay- though, cause they're all scared of me, and all I hafta do is threatin them, and it'll send them all squealing like pigs. I bitched out Beth, the one that ran her mouth off and started all this, and she started crying and kept asking what she could do to fix things, and I told her to keep her mouth shut, cause that's what started all this in the first place. Can you believe all this happened in the last two days?! Word travels fast around here. Seems like people have nothing better to do than discuss my personal life. But hey, if I'm that important in their life, then so be it! I'm doing awesome in band. My band teacher basically made it obvious I made drum major nex...

Love Love what a crazy thing to possess your mind to let your heart sing Why does it have to happen to me Why can't God just let my heart be What Will become of this love Will it survive And soar on further above Please don't leave me crying A stranger of the world love What a funny thing. I love you! Rita Rosalita

Ryan, hey honey! Sorry my letter worried you. I was worried that it would make you mad. Thanx for understanding. Don't worry though. I still love you. Lots! How are you doing? Your Grandma said you were in a car accident. I was so worried. I hope to God you are alright. I'm also sorry I didn't get the chance to see you when I came down. I only had a limited time to goof off before I had to get back to Cody. I was so upset that I couldn't see ya, but oh well. I'll hopefully be down to Riverton soon, and we can catch up on everything we missed. I'll be down there for sure this Spring, for a few days. Me and Kay are gonna spend a few days in Riverton, and then go down to Casper for a week during our Spring Break. She promised me and you lots of time alone. So let's make the most of it!  I'm teaching a sign language class once a week. It's pretty cool. Gives me something to do in my spare time anyway! So, I dunno what else to say. I got ya a few pictures...

 Forever Love Such a funny thing Unexpected growth Loving expectations Prayer degrades The horrible hate And brings against The loving world You bring to me Happiness awaits Forever in life In love Forever

Dear Ryan, hey honey. Sorry to worry you like that. It's just, I dunno. I guess I really don't know what to think. Lately, I guess I've been a little confused. So much has been happening, changing. I love you so much, and I guess I really don't want to lose you. I was just a little scared I guess. Ryan, the miles between us mean nothing. I feel as if it's just a test to see how strong our relationship is. If we can pull this off, we can do anything. In our hearts there is no distance. I'm sorry I sounded like I was doubting your loyalty. It's just hard. Ya know, with Erin there, and me here, it would be so easy for you. Remember what your parents said about temptations? Well, listen to them. They seem to know what they are talking about. You said in your letter that we could never really have the relationship we both want. Well, never is kinda stretching it. It takes a lot of time and a lot of love. Right now, I have you, and that's what I want. All I...

Thursday October 12, 1995 Ryan, Hey hon. What's going on? Not a whole lot here. Man this week has had me so stressed. I go to State Marching on Saturday. The whole band seems to be so relaxed and my stomach is twirling butterflies like crazy. I'm so nervous. I asked Mr. Spitzer if I could drive down there by myself, that way I could stop by Riverton, and stop to visit you. He said that that was prohibited, and if I drove down by myself that I couldn't perform. Sorry I tried. How's school? It's o-kay- here. The classes are too long. We have block scheduling, and so each of our classes are 90 minutes. My first class is awesome, though. The teacher is so cool. It's Creative Writing. We get to leave class and take walks to the park and stuff. We rarely have assignments, but when we do, we have fun doing them. We went to the art gallery the other day, and we had to write about a sculpture or painting we liked. It was so cool. Well, I guess this is the hard part of my...

I had a dream last night, and you were there, and so was I. You seemed happy to see me, and I, you. You were beautiful, more beautiful than you ever have been. We embraced, our embrace was wonderful, our love was complete. You forgave me, and I, you. Too good to be true, if only it hadn't been a dream, it seemed so real. I wish I'd never woken. Was it you, was it me? Please return to me, tonight, in my dream, once again. 

To Rita, I know you're out there somewhere, existing without me, and it hurts. Never did I imagine it would come to this, having to exist without you. You were my best friend, so you said. But where are you now? I know you still think of me. I hope you think of me, like I still think of you. Love never ceases to exist, no matter how bad the hurt may be. I know I betrayed your trust. I lied to you. I guess once is all it takes to break the trust. I don't expect you to trust me again, but please believe me when I say, I love you and I always will. So goodbye for now, I hope someday I'll see you, even for a moment, you have no idea how happy that would make me. If you could only see me now, maybe, just maybe, you could listen and believe me when I say, I love you. I love you.  Ryan

Dear Ryan, Hey honey! How's life going? O-kay- here. Kind up and down. A lot has happened lately. My grandpa died about two weeks ago. I didn't take it too well. I didn't know how to take it at first, because in the last year, we didn't get along too well, but after awhile, it hit me kinda hard. I cried for about two days. I didn't get to say goodbye to him, and that was what probably hurt the most. I didn't go to the funeral either. I don't know why not, but I really didn't feel I was invited. Gosh. Hatred is such a strong, horrible thing. It's amazing what it can do to people.  The last week has been pretty good for me. My band teacher and I have been talking and it looks like I will be drum major next year. It's sooo cool. That's been my dream ever since I started marching. It can also get me a scholarship in music. That would definitely make my year. The people in this band are so supportive too. Oh yeah! I don't believe I've told...

5/4/98 Rita, It's Monday again. The weekend was kind of slow and disappointing. How are you? Friday there was a college dance at Charlie's. My Dad tried telling me it was illegal to be in a bar unless I'm 19. Ok Dad. He could say what he's thinking, but he never does. I hate that. It was an ok dance, I wasn't impressed. Victoria was a bitch all night. "Let's talk," she'd say. A dance is a great place, sure! I don't understand her, she wasn't meant to be understood. I don't know how much of her I can take. Work's going alright. Linda is slowly improving, and I'm starting to think she's my only friend. She's always there, she told me that. She needs someone, too. Sunday was another story. Church - I went. It was the same old fast Sunday - testimony meeting, people crying, pouring their hearts out, I'm sick of it. I see kids get up there and go through the spiel of "I believe and I know and I love," and it mak...

5/6/98 Rita, I'm sick of writing pathetic letters talking about my life and asking about yours, and ignoring how I feel about you, and holding back all the things I've wanted to say but never did. I meant I love you when I said it, every single time. Did that mean anything to you, or are you just going to let that die? Maybe we see things different now because of everything that has happened between us, but I'm only saying this one last time, whether you like it, believe it, or care. I love you Rita Rosalie Bisbee, always have, always will, but it's no longer needed, I see that. I always thought that there would be a tomorrow for us, a new life, a time for us, but we had that, and I was right in the middle, you were too, and now, what does all that mean? Memories, that's all. So, I'll continue to write you about the insignificant shit that happens in my life, but damn it Rita, none of that matters, none of it mattered, the only time it did was when I had someone...

December 17, 1995 Dear Ryan, Hey there! How's my sweets? I'm doin o-kay-here. Hangin in there anyways. So, it sounds like things are going well for ya. I think it's so cool you got a part in 'My Fair Lady.' If you let me know what day you guys are going to put it on, I'll see what I can do to come see it. In February, me and a few people are going down to Casper for a Jazz Festival. We're going on the 8th, 9th, 10th and 11th. I'll probably stop by on the 8th or 11th in Riverton and see ya. You can come with us if you want. That's if your parents will let ya. None of our parents are coming with us, and I think I've got places to stay for all of us. So. We'll see. I'm sorry to say that your birthday and Christmas presents are going to be a little late. I'm sort of out of work, and money, so I'll hafta get them when I get a job. I promise that you will get them! Hopefully soon. Well. I dunno what else to say. I'm having a horribl...

December 19th, 1995 Ryan, Thought I forgot your birthday! Well, I didn't! I hope you have a splendid time this year!  Love Ya Lots! Rita Rosalita Hope you have a very sexy birthday!

Dear Ryan, I've got so many things to say to you, I don't know where to start. I guess it's best to start from my heart. I forgive you, despite everything we've been through. I know we put each other through heaven and hell together. We were extreme lovers, the highest of high's and the lowest of low's. It seems our flames burned so hot that it was only a matter of time before we completely burned each other out. No regrets, the fire was worth the burning. After all, I think that's all I'll say. Except of course, that I'll love you forever, until my soul is undone in the life after this.  Jonah

So many unanswered questions still linger in my mind after all this time. Would we be happier than we were if we had made it through that rough time? Would we have children, and how many? Would your mother finally like me? Would I have a good job, would you be proud of me? But one question burns hotter than all the others. In the end, when I told you the whole truth and confessed everything, did you believe me? If you did, did you forgive me? And then would you admit that all you did to me was unjustified? The answer is most likely no, to all the questions. But I guess I'll always be left to wonder and I'll never know. 

Dear Ryan, Hey Honey! How's it going? Good I hope. Ryan, I miss you so much. You have no idea. I think of you all the time. Every day. I just miss us, but we are not the people we once were. You've changed so much that I just don't know you anymore. I have, too. I look at the world in a totally different way then I used to. I am so proud of myself for what I have become. As bad as I thought this pregnancy was, I'm glad it happened. I was headed down the wrong road, and it stopped me from becoming everything I hate about my brothers. It makes me feel like God thought I was worth salvaging. I had to be stopped, and I'm thankful that I was being watched, and even blessed by the Lord. Like the old saying goes, "The Lord works in mysterious ways." I think that's how it goes. Well, Kyle leaves for home tomorrow. I'm going to miss him a lot. He really pulled me through when I needed someone. He's been a true friend. I feel bad that I couldn't be m...

Ryan, It's been too many nights with you to now be suddenly without. I miss you.  Goodnight Sweet Man of Mine

Ryan, I don't care if you think I am damn ugly. I really liked you even after you turned me down. You're not even good enough to be considered a jerk! And I HOPE that you realize how MUCH you HURT ME! So all I can say is that it's your loss not mine! Betsy P.S. ~ If you want to apologize come see me at lunch on Feb. 14 -k- or still be my friend

To My Friend, It's night again and I start to wonder how I became who I am and why. People often ask me what dark secrets are hidden under my mysterious, hooded eyes. I shall never know everything that lies hidden. That is the way it should be always. Even now, I myself can not remember all of what had happened in order for me to become who I am now. Still there is the strange but strong yearning to remember it all. Sometimes I figure it is all in my head, like a bad dream. But I must not be making it all up. Things, events, match up way too easy. I often fear that one night when I have come close to the truth they will stop me for good. Even now I can feel them hiding in the dark corners of my room, waiting for me. For my weakest moments when no one can hear my screams. When I'm alone, when no one is home to hear me scream. I'm blessed that my loving guardian angel is there to protect me while I sleep. But I'm still afraid of them, and the secret they want to keep hidd...

Good Morning Sir Sexy, I hope you slept well. I enjoyed my weekend with you. Holding you all night was heaven. I started coffee for you. I'll see you soon.  I think I love you, but I don't say shit like that. Just know that I feel it. Love, Your Tough Guy

Dear Ryan, I couldn't sleep all last night because I kept thinking about all the things I said to you that I shouldn't have. I felt them, so I said them. Then when I did I scared you away. I'm sorry. I meant what I said and I don't regret it. Please come talk to me or at least write me.  Jonah

❤️ S.W.A.K. Dear Ryan, Hey honey! How's everything going for ya? O-kay- here. I quit my job at The Irma. And now I work at the Yellowstone Valley Inn. (YVI) It's pretty neat. I got my own place, too. It's pretty small, but it's cozy. Well. Sounds like you had fun at Boy Scout Camp. Me. I'm just making lots 'n' lots of money. 5 bucks an hour! I'm a rich woman now! Beats minimum wage at The Irma any day! Ooh. My writing keeps getting smaller and smaller as I go. Cool. Well, I'm gonna start modeling when I'm 18. My agent is in New York, but I'm not sure if I hafta go there or not. Hope not. Well, I dunno what more to say. Love ya lots! ❤️ My address (mailing) is the same because I can't get mail at my apartment. It really sucks. Well. Write me! I love you. LOVE,  Rita Rosalita Sorry So Short!

Dear Ryan, Please don't be so worried all the time. I care for you, I love you. When we look back in the end, we'll see that not one of us had very much time here on Earth. So when you're troubled, look to the summer night sky, when the stars are just beginning to twinkle. And should you catch sight of a shooting star in the night, think of me and make a wish. I love you my dear sweet boy. Jonah

Ryan, There are a million things I have said to you in our time as friends. Some important, some less so. But all things said, there are still a million to say. However, our time together has been cut short, thus I fear some unsaid words will remain just that. When I first met you, as I've told you before, I felt a special connection to you. We were truly meant to meet. I have always felt that I can confide in you some of my darkest secrets, as well as babble on about my joyous times. I am honored that you have let me see into your soul. You have many friends that love you and care about you, and do anything for you. You are very lucky and God has smiled on you. And God smiled on me the day we met. We have not always been close friends, if even friends at all, but we are now and that's what counts. Many of my friends of the past have been friend only to either use me or because they felt obligated to be sometimes. But you have not. When I needed you, you were there as I was, an...

Ryan, Yesterday in your letter you said I didn't love you. But I do. I've had so many mixed feelings about this, I'm not even sure what I lied about. And I'm sure somewhere down the line something that I supposedly said was over exaggerated. I'm really sorry! So if you want to give this relationship another chance that's perfectly fine with me. I never wanted this to happen. I never imagined this could happen. So once again I'm really sorry. I still love you even though you broke my heart into a thousand pieces.  So please write back and tell me what you think. Erin Williams

Hey you! After all, this was all for you. All of it. I hope you loved it. All of it. It was, after all, all for you. I absolutely love you, all of you! For You, From Me. 💋  P.S. FUCK YOU!!!

~ Ryan ~ I just got off the phone with you & I'm missing you already. Just wanted you to know how much I absolutely love and adore you. I think of you all the time. Always have - No life without Ryan - Wow. I miss you. Love you. Adore you. The one in the shadows has always been you. Love Always & Forever, Rita Rosalita Jevne???