All Their Words

 Dear Ryan, So what are you doing? You know on these letters I always ask the people who are Star of the Week "what's it like being Star of the Week?" Hey, what's your favorite color? Well, I'm running out of things to say so I guess I'll let you go. Later! Your friend,       Kelly

Dear Ryan, You get three dots, That's it, Just three,  And here they be, The three, I love thee.  ... G

  hello My Love! Just letting you know that I am going to make dinner around 7:30, so you are welcome to join us. Actually it might not be until closer to eight, cuz I will start preparing around 7:00. Not that my reasoning matters to you, see! I even babble when I invite you to dinner! grrr! `~` Anyway. If you're home, you can come, or you can always reheat when you get home. okay, I luv ya, buh-bye!

  Ryan, I know you are going through a rough patch right now, I can see how much you are hurting. But under all that pain, I can see so much beauty within you. The way you healed your wounds, instead of spreading the pain, makes you beautiful. The passion in your eyes when you talk about what you love is what makes you beautiful. Your reality, in a world where everyone is trying to be something they're not, makes you beautiful. The way you treat everyone else like friends you haven't met yet makes you beautiful. Your commitment to celebrating the parts of yourself you've been taught to judge is what makes you beautiful. Your willingness to give to others without keeping track makes you beautiful. The way you remain kind, even when the world is unfair to you, makes you beautiful. The way you go through life, with a heart full of love, makes you beautiful. Always remember that the pain we go through makes us beautiful, too. I love you.  Tom 

  7/12/04 Ryan - I know I just wrote you, but as a part of who I am, there is more I need to say. Ryan, I love you; more than you want, and more than I want. I don't mean to scare you, I know you don't want to be too serious, and I don't either. I don't want you to think I expect marriage or promises, I don't. All I expect is for you to be able to hug me. To be able to be near me without pushing me away. I wish it didn't, but you don't realize how bad it hurts. I know I'm childish and have childish ideas, but I do and I am. I can't help it, but I have this idea of 'my curse.' I cannot keep a boyfriend for more than four months. I know it is a silly superstition, but I can't help it. In ten days it will be four months. If I didn't feel like it was indefinitely going to end, I doubt it would be so hard. You asked me once if even knowing that it will end, would it still be worth it to make it last as long as possible. I thought about it ...

  Dear Ryan, I like you. Do you like Reese and Michael? I don't like any of them. I had to help Micheal with his spelling words. On the mystery pictures, November 7 is an Indian. Have you got any names on the board yet? I've got 2 because Miss Brown didn't think I was working cause I didn't have paper. Your friend, Travis Guthrie 

  There is no greater love than that I have for you, and it is a love I never thought possible. My greatest wish is that despite all else, someday I will have the chance to really be with you, to share all the love I have for you, which is much more than a lifetime supply. I know it's a big wish, but you are the world to me so I have nothing more to lose if I don't try. Always Remember, I Love You.             ~ Katie Jean Krammer

  Ryan: thank you so much for being so nice to me. Especially here at the end of the semester. I am extremely stressed and irritable, and you have put up with a lot from me. You are just a really nice guy and make me smile, even when I don't want to. Thanks! XO Katie

  10-11-06 Ryan! Hello my dearest! This cannot be a long letter because I need to go to work, but I wanted to write you anyway. I hope, by the time you get this, that your boss has called, or you have called him. I hate to hear you so sad, and I know that would help. If things don't work out in Asheville though, you know you are more than welcome to join me! *wink wink* I have to say that I love being able to (at least a little) feel the spirit again! It makes such a difference being able to start each day, with You, Me and God! You are so wonderful and strong, and I am so proud of you!  I wish this could be longer but I will try again later! I love you!  Katie Krammer

  November 5, 2006 My Dearest Darlingest Sweetheart, Hello My Love! I just got off the phone with you... you are cute! I talk to you all the time so I have been neglecting writing you, sorry. Letters mean so much more! I am so excited to be with you and see your apartment! We will definitely have to snuggle by the fireplace... and possibly... you know, for old times sake! Who knows, maybe we can wash your car while I'm in town too! Really though, I am way excited to see Asheville! I want to see so much, the trip won't be long enough! I want to see the city, all the little cafés and coffee shops. Maybe I will bring a nice dress and we could go out while I'm there... it's a thought. I would be perfectly happy no matter what we do! I should probably take the time to look for a job while I'm there, but who knows! I have to get up and go teach tomorrow... blah! It is way more bearable to know that the end is near though. I think I am going to have the concert on December...

8-29-05 Ryan, Hey honey! The kids are at recess and I have nothing to work on. I hope your day is going well. Sounds like you had a pretty full day. At least rehearsals haven't started yet. I don't know how you are going to do it. I guess I am pretty spoiled now with only working 8 hours and no classes. Maybe now I will get my house clean, there really is no excuse for it being so messy. I am planning on doing laundry tonight, but I also have choir at 7:30. Well, the bell rang, I better go! ❤️ You! ~ Katie ~

 Ryan : Hi my Love!! I am waiting for Mom & Moo to get here, so I thought I would write you a note! I will probably call you tonight, but don't forget that you can call me. :) I hope you have a good weekend. Relax, get a break from the midget! If I can, I will get you a SURPLISE! It might be too crazy down there though. Angie is about to POP!! She's already dilated to a 4! Bekah's water broke before she even hit a 2! Crazy how it works. That would be cool if I could see my niece though. Yay, cute babies! Well, I should eat breakfast. Hey, speaking of which, maybe I can get more of Mom's Jam. Yummy! Okay well, I love you, and hope you have a good 4 days! I will see you on Thursday I hope!  XO! Katie K.

- Ryan - I hope you feel better this morning! If not, maybe this will help! XO ~               Katie

 To My Lovely Husband! I hope you know how much I appreciate all you do and how happy I am with you! I may not always feel happy about work or my surroundings, but I am very happy with you! I can't wait to be settled in our new home, making love to you on the balcony! Love you forever! ~ Katie

  Dear Ryan, So how do you like being Star of the Week? I hope I become the Star of the Week next week. So let's get down to business. What is your favorite color? Mine is black if you don't already know. Oh, and what is your favorite food? Mine is steak. Here is the last question. What is your favorite car? Mine is a Rolls Royce. Well, I have to go now, so bye bye. Your friend, Martin

Ryan, Life will get better. In fact, it's not so bad now... So hang in there, kiddo...        ~ Tom ~

9-14-06 Hello My Dearest Monsieur Jevne, I know I talk to you all the time, but I think everyone needs to get a letter now and then. :) I just got back from auditions. I was surprised at how well they went. I am relatively confident at this point that I am in the show, and quite possibly have a leading/speaking role. It's hard to say for sure, but I am sure you will know by the time you get this anyway. I feel kinda guilty for calling in today. I probably would have made it through the day. But if I don't take a break when I start to get sick, I only get worse. I guess I just need to not stress so much in life that I make myself sick. Oopsie! Tonight I went to my Grandpa's 'resident fair.' He is so proud of his new place and new friends, I am truly very happy for him. It can be hard, but it is so nice to have him around. I was so worked up about auditions that I forgot to give him a hug. I have thought about stopping by tomorrow with a card or flowers, just to say h...

5-7-07 Ryan - hey Lovely! I am waiting for Sarah to get finished with her therapy and guess what?! I'm finished with my paperwork! Yay! I am excited for your days off, and I'm excited to start work with my new client! (no names in writing) I hope things will go well with him, I think they will. Anyway it's an extra $89 for this week, and we can always use that. You know, I've been thinking... I Love You! very much and I seem to love you more and more every day. It is nice to snuggle up and watch a movie or "roll in ze hay!" or just go for a drive! I just love being with you! I'm sorry things are tough a bit now, but it will get better, I know that! Someday we will live comfortably and be able to visit our family whenever! Sarah should be back soon! I will always love you, you really do mean the world to me!                                       ...

Dear Ryan, I'm very happy for you to be Star of The Week this week. How many pen pals do you have? I have 2 pen pals. Do you have any pets? I have 4 fish, 1 dog and 5 cats. Lots of animals huh. So how do you like school? Hmmm it's O.K. I guess. What are your favorite classes? Mine are Math, Science, and Art. Oh and I kind of like Reading. I got to go. Your friend, Sherry :)

5-7-07 Dear Ryan, Good morning my love. I just wanted to say that I am sorry for how crazy and stressed I have been. On many occasions you probably wanted to just get on a plane and leave. Thank you for staying. I am sorry that last night I made it harder to sleep with me than in a room that smelt like a burning styrofoam pit. I know that I am and always will be a difficult person, but I also know that I love you. I don't think I could ever forgive myself if I lost my chance with you! You mean the world to me and I could never find someone as wonderful as you again! Please bear with me and know that I will love you until the end of time!                              Love,   Katie

 Ryan, I love you and can't wait to see you, hold you, kiss you and make sure you know what you mean to me. T.J.

 Ryan ~ I don't know what you want me to say. I don't understand why you are upset, or what I did. But I think you are wonderful. I really can't explain how I feel about you. Everything about you and about us excites me and scares me at the same time. Every time I am alone with you, I know I shouldn't be. But anytime I am away from you, you plague my mind and all I can think about is when I see you next. I am sorry about the cigarette issue. I want to be with you, I want to kiss you, but the taste is too strong for me. Please don't be mad. I wish I could explain everything for you, but I myself don't understand completely. I want to just say to heck with everything & let myself admit what I am feeling, but I can't & I won't. Like you said, with you & I both leaving there is no point in getting any deeper than we have. I know these are very scattered thoughts, but that is the way I think.  I love the way you make me smile & I love the way ...

 Ryan, I wish I was star of the week. You're real lucky! I wanted to be star of the week. I haven't been star of the week since the beginning of the year. Jeremy L

 Ryan, Is it nice to be star of the week? I don't know cuz I'm always bad. You should try it sometime. What's it feel like to be good? What did one star say to the other? Who's the new comer? Get it? You're star of the week. I do that to break the ice. JT Lowe

  My Dearest Ryan, I hope you know how much I love you! I love to see you with our Noah, being a Daddy just comes so natural to you. I am sorry if I ever make you feel that you aren't doing enough, because you are doing so much! I am so proud of you for going back to school, & I know you will be a great psychologist & help so many people. Thank you for being so wonderful! As both a father & a husband. I couldn't ask for better for Noah & I. Love You to Pieces! Katie

  Dear Ryan, What's up? Nothing's going up! How are you? So is there anything going on in your life? Nothing good in my life. So do you like math? Do you like reading? Do you like Science, or do you like Social Studies? Well, I don't like any of those subjects! You must think I hate you. Well, here's the truth: Really I think you're ok. For a friend!! Stay Cool, Sloan B.

Ryan, Hello my Love! Sorry it has taken me so long to get a letter sent. I will try to be better. :) I think about you all the time though. I am going to stick to my tradition and get you something from every place I go. I will try to do magnets if I can find them, but sometimes it might be things like seashells from the beach. This seashell is from Pasa Grille Beach, my first beach since coming. There is also a "surprise" from the airport in Albuquerque, N.M. and one from John's Pass. That is where we went on Sunday with the kids. It was a big pirate celebration and the kids loved it! I got myself a ring and a key chain, you will have to see them. I hope you are able to decide what you want to do this Summer. I am sorry that is stressing you out. :( No matter what you choose to do, or where you go, just look for the things that will make you happy. Keep up with the writing too. So I made it through my first semester... not a bad one though. If they are bad the family wou...

7-18-06 Hello Ryan! Just thinkin about you and thought I'd say hi... Hi! So, thanks for the little afternoon surprise today, it was very nice! I'm sure we won't have any trouble passing time when I visit... I hope that's not all we do though. :) That sounds like a reasonable idea about your car. I'm sure it would break your Mother's heart though, you've barely had it a year. But you do have a good point. I still can't believe I was offered a job as a music teacher! I never thought that was possible at this point in my life, it's amazing how things work out. I'm sure that things will work out for you too. I hope that we will be together someday, but you never can tell. One of us would have to take a big risk for that... actually, we both would.  But it might be a risk that's worth it. :) I Love You! ~ Katie

 Ryan, I've got some words for you, you rotten ungrateful developing man baby.  After you get what you want you don't want it anymore. I'd give you the moon but you'd get tired of that soon. You're just like a child, you want what you want when you want it, but then when it's given to you you're discontented.  You're always wanting and wishing for something and when you get that something you don't want it. I could sit on your knee but I fear you would soon grow tired of me. You've got this changeable nature, always changing your mind.  You've got this look in your eye that I cannot satisfy. I don't want to make you blue but you need a good talking to, because after you get what you want you don't want what you wanted at all. You can't fool me, I can see right straight through you. I hope someday you get all that you want, so you'll find that you'll never be happy with enough.  Luke

   Ryan, I'm glad you're star of the week. I think you are a nice person. I like the sweater you are wearing. I like your Trapper Keeper. How old are you? What's your favorite color?? Well, it's been nice talking to ya. Sarah Nelson

Ryan, I can see who you are, you're one who sometimes cannot sleep at night because your soul doesn't know peace. You're the kind that looks for beautiful things in the darkness because that's where your soul has spent some time, in the darkness. You're the kind that love the wolves because you don't fear them. You are the type to play the same old love songs over and over, just so you can feel all of the emotions all over again. You'll wake up each day and slap a smile on your face for the sake of all those around you, just so no one knows the sadness you carry inside. But I see you, as one who struggles to wake up and fight each day. You're one who has more bad days than good under your belt, and you still get up and try with everything you have, even though you want to give up and give in. I can see you, wanting to live the ultimate fairy tale when life has only delivered you material for a nightmare. I hope you never lose that spark I can see burning...

 Jessi , I don't have much time to write this, so I'll just get to the point. How are you feeling? Better I hope. Kitty isn't still upset with me is she? Of course I can't blame her, that was a bad move on my part. But what really upset me was the fact that I told you I would go to that round for you, and didn't. I'm sorry. I don’t think I'll go this weekend. Maybe the next meet. I feel confident with my piece, but not about other things. So, um, I guess that's it. Don’t worry about writing back, you never have before. Smile for me. Ryan P.S. ~ The sun is always shining above the clouds. 

 Just a little note... Mr. Ryan,  You have made me very happy.  You are a beautiful soul and I am honored to have you in my life.  I love you, Tom

From the Desk of Dorothy Desdamona Dixson: A subjective yet objective psychological evaluation and analysis of Ryan Luke Jevne. Provided with the intention to diagnose and assist the individual in maintaining a healthy and sober state of mind. All information provided here is observational only, with the intended purpose of supporting him in mental health and addiction recovery. Ryan has stress arising from suppression of physical sexual desires and insufficient consideration from bodily needs, with anxiety from existing situations that he feels are disagreeable. He has an unsatisfied need to ally himself with others whose standards are as high as his own and to stand out from the common herd. His control of his sensual instincts restricts his ability to give himself, but the resulting isolation lends to the urge to surrender and allow himself to merge with another. This disturbs him, as such instincts are regarded as weaknesses to be overcome. Ryan feels that only by continued self-re...

I hate waking up alone.  I hate knowing you're still out there existing without me.  I hate existing without you.  I feel lost and alone, utterly alone.  All these friendly faces around me will never amount to one smile of yours.  I'd die for just one moment alone with you again.  Not long, just one moment. 

Something in your eyes tells me to jump, yet I hesitate. I can't jump, for I don't see the bottom. How mysterious have you become? Do you have ill intentions? I've this suspicion you feel for me more than you show. What is it you fear? Please don't be afraid of me.

When the truth came out, when you found out I was weak and broken, when there was nothing left for me to give and nothing left to hide, why did you turn away? I've so much more to give now, you probably wouldn't know me anymore. Maybe it's better this way. I'm still looking for the good in this. I can't find any. Why wasn't I good enough for you? I gave and I gave, and I'll continue to give, anything you still want from me. It's too late now, there's no turning back, no more I love you's, no more kisses goodnight, no more outrageous fights. I'll miss it though, all of it, the good, the bad and the bitter. 

Hey Buddy, What's up? Not much here. I am so sorry about what happened Saturday night. I hope you get feeling better, and I hope you'll feel good enough to come to school tomorrow. And I wrote this note to tell you thank-you for buying me dinner on Saturday, that was very nice of you. Well I gotta go now because the bell is about to ring.  A friend always, Celeste Sotelo P.S. GET WELL SOON!

~ Ryan ~ Hey Gilbert! How's it goin? I know it's only been a few short weeks that I've known you, but it seems like I've known you my whole life. You're just a great guy and I will always remember you. You're a wonderful actor and I know you will go far and succeed in life. I know you will and don't let anyone tell you different. I feel that I have become so close to you these short weeks and I'm going to miss you greatly when you leave.  Like I said in the letter I gave Andrea, I will always be here and I will always take time to talk whenever you want. Just call or write, I'm always here. I will miss you, so much!  If you didn't get the note I gave Andrea, here's my address:  311 East Sunset Riverton, Wyoming 82501 307-856-4726 kato@weirdness.com Love and Good Luck Always, Katie Ramsey

  Dear "R Boogus", I hope I spelled that right. How are you doing? Dumb question. I couldn't sleep last night. I finally fell asleep at 3:00 A.M. I want you to be happy. Give this broken chika a smile. I know how I can make you laugh... can tickle the poo outta you!   Ryan, I will make no more promises if you don't want me to. But none of my promises are empty promises. I will sing of sunshine when you sing of rain, I will sing of ecstasy when you sing of pain. The biggest mistakes we make are the risks we fail to take. But you don't know what you got til it's gone. Don't give up on me! Love Always, Andrea

 Ryan, If I could give you one thing in life, I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes, only then would you realize how special you are to me. Your Tom Cat

Smiles are the great deceiver Shining through the rain So simple So misleading Through my toothy grin You see what you need So false So untrue But believe what you want It makes no difference to me So much pain So much anger My days are long But yours are longer See you when the sun sets So much time In the end

  Ryan, Hey, so how's life? How was school? I'm in Dramatic Lit. We're watching a play called Hedda Gabler, we read it and now we are watching it. I like the movie a lot better than I did when I read it. I just talked to Emily about the temple, it was a very interesting discussion. You know don't you that she is getting married? She is WAY excited! O.K. I've just finished all my classes and since I missed lunch and it's 3:10, I'm starving to death! Don't believe me? All I've had today is two glasses of non-fat dry milk and a non-fat homemade roll. (it was GOOD!) You're probably wondering why I'm writing to you, well I just like it! So there! Ha! Ha! Are you going to send Valentine's stuff to Rita! You'd better. I know how it feels to be a loner on Valentine's Day. I didn't mean to be rude this morning when I said that about seminary, I just miss having you in there! I was worried about it after I dropped you off. I hope you do...

Happy Valentine's Day... There's no place like being in my Ryan's arms, I already love you more than anything... ❤️ I LOVE YOU! ❤️  Your Tender Tom Cat 

Ryan, Hey waz up? Not much here. I can't remember if I'm supposed to tell Ali anything? Do you really like her? Do you even know who she is? Guess what? I get off probation on Saturday the 26th. Cool, huh? This Wednesday I will have been going out with Dustin for 3 weeks. You should draw me a picture, so I can hang it on my door in my bedroom. We'll I better go, I just wanted to find out about Ali. You should call Ali for the hell of it. Or you can call me. Well, gotta go.  Hasta Luego  Your friend,  Brandy Write Back 

Ryan, OK I won't tell Ali anything! What do you think she is ugly or what? I know it wuz a joke but I thought you wanted me to tell her as a joke. Life sucks! Why doesn't your mom want you in the play? Well I'm failing General Science. Yes you will pass. Yep! Your writing is cool. I ain't a little freshman, I'm the best freshman though. Ali didn't think I was telling her the truth when I said I wuz your friend. Then when I wuz talking to you she about shit her pants. Hasta Luego  Love Brandy Write Back Soon

  Ryan,  Before you walk away from me like that again, I hope you'll stop and listen to what I have to say, without becoming too emotional. I seemed to have offended you, and I fear I deeply hurt you. I hope that isn't so. If so, I am truly sorry. I don't feel I got through to you like I wanted to. So, I'll write it down for you. You'll never truly know the real impact you have on those in your life. You'll never really know how much your simple presence in someone's life means. A smile from you could change someone's entire day, and maybe the entire course of their life. Your kind heart could change one soul, or one hundred. Don't run away, don't wait for someone to be kind to you first, be kind to them first. Don't wait for the perfect moment or for someone to change. And more than anything, just be you, the authentic person I know you are, and that we all can see. We'll all love you, despite all the fear I can see behind your eyes. Don...

Ryan - The sun is hung in your smile. The stars in your eyes. You are the knight to my day. 

Hey Sugar ~ I just dropped by - it's 4:45pm - to see if you wanted to have dinner, but you are not here, ask me if I'm surprised.  Anyway, you probably won't get this in time to eat - Call me if you feel like it. Kisses, Jen

You seem to search for a solid idea, One you can grasp and believe. But why would you search for the answer to you, Where the ideas deceive? The truth of your heart and unwilling soul, Is locked tight within yourself.  And the answer to you will never be found, If your thoughts are not in good health.  You let their words bombard your heart, With relentless and driving power. But no one knows you, The real unknown you, Until your greatest hour. Clear your mind of burdening clouds, Born of others' thoughts.  And there you will find your very own mind, One long ago forgot.  The love that I send in great urgency,  Is pure, true, and whole. But clouds on the brain make you insane, And my love will not enter your soul. I accept this fact with hurt and regret, That my love was blocked by pain. But you will not shrug this alias, So we'll ever have clouds on the brain.

I guess I should confess we'd all be in a freakin mess I need to express all of the stress you relieve from my consciousness  You impress with your nobleness and to this we must profess Hangin wit you is like recess  and that's why we love you PRINCESS  by CMF

~ Ryan ~ A thousand times I said it wouldn't be the same. Yet the passion with which we kissed burned like an open flame. I was tasting the bittersweet  forbidden fruits. And questioning why they were forbidden. That's what I ask you now. Why? In your poem you made me question myself, my beliefs, my feelings. I did. I thought long and hard. Should it be? Yes. Could it be? No. For there has to be two minds, two hearts and souls working together to become one. I don't crave any love, I crave your love. I don't crave a relationship, I crave the feeling that you are there. What you do make me question is would it be right? I get the feeling that you mean age wise. Is that true? I realize that you do not love me as a lover, as an intimate friend, as a soothing partner. So I will try from now on to hide my such feelings. But please don't tease me with your tongue. You already know what happens when you do that. Ryan, I long to lay in your arms, to hold you, to comfort you...

you slit my wrists last night   under the stars in the cold Jagged words tore my flesh   all in self defense I won't pretend to know your mind   what you hold inside crimson drops from my finger tips   puddles on the floor Let me tell you what I want   Before you slit my throat By random chance and happen stance   our lives crossed once again looped around in war torn paths   to where it all began My only desire of you   simple as it seems Intertwine with me on the bar room floor   where our chemistry is best Dance with me throughout the night   Forget about the rest I only want the fleeting glance  A rock and roll fantasy This is what I need of you   Nothing else put down your sharpened pencil   clever crafted words With a double edge you broke my heart   what else can I do? Pools of red now cloud my mind   one last breath perhaps don't think too hard about what this is   or what we are together There is no...

You look to others, to reflect back at you love. You look to others for acceptance. You worry too much. You replay events in your head, over and over. You question everything. You yearn to understand people. You have built up a wall, a barrier, and you let few, if any in. Stress is what you make it. Learn to trust others. Find happiness within yourself, or you cannot reflect true happiness back. Take a deep breath. It is OK to relax. Anger is within you... Find it. Then abandon it. Learn to love yourself, or you cannot love another. Leaking energy is tiring. Think of tomorrow. Never be afraid to change. Carry with you the truth of you, that God loves you. Anxiety attacks, not heart attacks. Traumatic events have happened in your past. You give.

May 25th, 1996 Dear Ryan, How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love you for your sense of humor. I like you for your commitment to God & the church. I like you for being involved in theater and acting and helping. I like you for your patience and perseverance, of course, I love you for simply being Ryan Jevne, Fred and a good guy. Fred, Just wanted to let you know I appreciate you. For being married for thirty years, we still have a lot to learn about ourselves and each other. We always will. Don't ever lose your openness to other people. Love, your friend Star Amsbaugh

5/20/98 Ryan: Okay, I'm not going to say as much as I thought I was. And don't worry, I'm not going to say anything you don't want to hear. But anyway, mostly, I just want to say thank you for being there for me. I appreciate it more than I can say. You'll never know. Also, since you're graduating this weekend, I don't want to lose touch. That happens a lot. You were there for me, and I want to thank you. I guess the only way to do that is to be there for you. So if you ever need to talk, call me. Or even if not, call me sometime. I promise that all I want is a friendship. And last of all, if I ever need to talk, can I call you? It seems like my closer friends don't really understand anything. So, do you mind? Well, I gotta go. Nikky 

Ryan, You are the best friend I have and I love you for that and for the incredible man I'm getting to know. I love that you chose me to be in your life right now. There are no words to describe how happy you make me. Tom

Ryan, Hey, Hey sweet thing! How's it goin'? Things aren't too good here. I got your letter. Thanks! I needed that. So I see Venessa told you about Kodiak, sorry I didn't tell you. Hope you're not mad at me! I miss you two, like crazy! I'll come and see you guys soon. Tell Venessa to call me sometime. Oh, by the way I don't blame you for being uptight. I understand. So, how's Riverton? Casper sucks! Actually my life sucks! I can't believe we moved here. There's nothing to do here! I know there's like a mall and stuff but, I don't know. Just when things were going good in Riverton, we moved. Just my luck huh! Well talk to ya later gotta           run                    Bye                            Love,                                        Jess...

Ryan, don't mind the back of the paper. I'm saving trees.  I'm not as vain as I seem or as shallow as I act. I don't base everything on looks. I wouldn't associate with half the people I do if I did. I just can't stand looking bad. I'm not depressed okay. I just got that way every once in a while. I spend so much time acting like someone else I hardly know what I'm really like myself. You're sweet, but don't you think your sister would have a cow if I called you?   - I already have your #  I learn things 

Ryan, I am sorry for getting so upset at lunch. I just can't stand there and watch Ashley be hurt like that. I realize that it's not your fault if maybe you don't feel for her the way she feels for you. I urge you, though, to give her a chance. I urge you to get to know her and then decide if she truly isn't for you. From now on I'm out of it until Ashley comes to me for advice again. And if you need someone to talk to, I'm always floating around somewhere. Andi

Ryan, You said, "write it down..." So here it is. Why don't you see why I diet and exercise? I'm too fat. I am not fat obese, ect., I know that. Don't worry I am not going to develop Anorexia Nervosa or Bulimia Nervosa. I am not obsessed & I do not want to look like Venessa, she has no figure. Okay. Now that we have established that let's try to help you understand.  I need to lose weight. Ok? My waist is too big. You've seen me in my green dress. My waist looks like it's 3 feet wide. I have some inches to lose.  I know I have large hips. I've been informed. I'm not blind. I can't lose bone. Just look at my Mom, I'm stuck with an hourglass figure.  I'm not satisfied with how I look. I've been told repeatedly that I'm stupid, ugly & fat. I've had that driven in my head for years. Most females care how they look. Don't tell me Venessa or your Mother don't care about their appearance. I care extremely how I ...

Ryan, Hey, I am at work right now, and there has hardly been any calls. Thank you again for last night. I will always remember that. You have no idea how special you are. I know you don't like the mushy gushy stuff, but I want you to hear it. There are a lot of things about me that people don't know and would not understand, I don't even understand them. Last night was one of the nights where I could not understand myself. Things that I thought were not rational. I don't know why I do that or what happens to me, but there are times I get like that. Thank you for treating me the way you do. You say that you didn't know what to do last night, or how to respond to me, but you did exactly what I needed. You left me alone, didn't say a thing. Because of that I was able to go home and figure myself out, or I should say straighten myself out, and feel better. I am a difficult person, and I don't even know what to do most of the time when I get that way. But somehow...

Ryan - Well Hello there!!! How are you surviving play practice?? You know what? You are so talented, I expect to see you acting with all the greats when you get older... Broadway of otherwise... because you're amazing and you can do it. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that I'll never forget you when I move... which is in 32 days incidentally. Maybe it was because you were my first love, and I mean that, or maybe it was because I saw something in you that I've failed to see in anyone else at RHS. I still love you, but on a different level than I did at first. You're a special guy. Anyways, good luck with the play and crap... Keep writing and acting. Wherever your dreams take you, I hope you'll be happy. "I killed it, Gilbert!!" Love, Ashley 4:20! something to make you smile; or, just think about periwinkle lollipops. Don't let anyone read this, k. I see you kept that ring....

Ryan - Wow, I've really left you in the dark haven't I? Well, all I can say is - that was my fault. It's hard for me to be open. And what happened the other night was probably my fault too - in one way or another I probably instigated it. Don't prejudge me, though - OK? I don't sleep around. If it had been anyone else I wouldn't be writing this note right now. I haven't 'been' with a lot of guys. And in case you wanted to know but didn't ask, I AM a virgin. I don't know what gave you the impression that I wasn't - but I am, and until I find the right person, I intend to stay that way. I won't deny that I have been in a lot of relationships this year, because I have. And in each one I saw something that made me want to go out with them. One aspect. A single thing... one attribute that attracted me to them in the first place. I guess that's why those relationships were so short lived. I jumped into them blindly, almost without fores...

Hey Ryan, All you ever have to do is just ring my bell and I'll be right there at the door for you. So come over any time, and ring my bell! Jasper

Happy Anniversary RYAN Ryan, I can't believe it has been three years since we got together. Sometimes it seems like a lifetime, other times it seems like only yesterday! I know that God had a hand in bringing us together, and I'm grateful! I love you! ~ Your Wife

It's fine, Ryan, my love. It's fine to do your own thing. It's fine to reply late. It's fine to be sad and not talk to me. It's fine to turn off your phone and sleep all day. It's fine to be distant. It's fine to figure things out on your own. It's fine to restore your peace of mind. It's fine to weep silently from the baggage you still carry. It's fine to lie down for a while and forget about everything. It's fine. Remember that I love you, and that includes understanding your chaos, supporting your journey, and giving you enough distance to think. I know that sometimes, you just need to choose yourself, but your love for me remains the same.  You are fine and you'll always be fine. And my love, it's all just fine.

Ryan,  You're such a tease, you always say just what you please and then you walk away, it's not fair. Why won't you ever just stay with me long enough to talk? You're such a cock jock! John

Ryan, I don't know what to think of you! Last night it seemed like things might be better today. Yet as soon as I see you, you suddenly seem pissed. I know you don't like me asking what's wrong all the time as it makes you feel like you never do anything right, but honey, 90% of the time there is pretty obvious reason for me asking. I'm sorry, but to most people the silent treatment means that something is wrong. And it's not that I think something is wrong with you, I naturally feel that since I am the one getting the brush off, I'm the one who has apparently done something wrong. I have told you time and time again that I am sorry for nights like last night, but I can't help it when I feel that way. To be honest I feel so unattractive, so overweight, that I can't even enjoy when we have sex like I used to and like I should, because all I can think about the whole time is that I am not good enough or experienced enough, or pretty enough to really please...

Hey Ryan, Please know I'm with you and love you. Your mantra is, I'm healthy, I can make my life better. I have a great man in my life that loves me. I love you, and you have me to love. Your Tender Tom

 7-27-07 hello my Lovely! Sarah has a half-hour of free time now, so I thought I'd take advantage of the time I had. I know I tell you all the time that I love you, but there is a lot more that I feel I don't say. I look around at my life and see how blessed I am, it's all because of you! First and foremost, I don't think I could have ever humbled myself enough to go back to church had it not been for your amazing example. When you left to North Carolina, I never thought I was doing too bad, but all the changes you made, helped me realize the changes I needed to make. I am still far from perfect, but you continue to be my shining example! I am amazed and proud of your love for the scriptures! The way you just pull them out and read, just because you want to! I love your spirit and the help it is to me! Secondly, I love you for your strength! Things have not been exactly easy in our first seven months of marriage. We have had to deal with family funerals that we could no...

Ryan, I am guessing that you are upset because I didn't talk to you much at rehearsal. Well honey, I don't know what to do! I try to talk to you and stay close to you, and you say you want me to leave you alone. So when I do leave you alone it's like you are more mad! I don't know what to expect! I don't know when you want me around and when you don't, I'm not psychic! You have to let me know. I love you and I love to be with you, but I am not gonna keep trying, just to get snapped at. I know you hate it, but it's up to you. You are welcome to call or come over whenever. I'm just tired of interfering when I'm a burden. Like I said, I love you and mean it. I am here if you want.  🌟 Goodnight 🌟  Love, Katie Jean Krammer

Ryan - I wish I knew what to say to you. I'm trying to think rationally whether or not this relationship should go on. I will admit that I have not told anyone as of yet that we are "taking a break." Does just taking a break mean you are still my boyfriend? I guess I'm still not clear on that. It seems easier today, I can't say why, it just does. I don't know if this means that I don't care for you as much as I thought I did or if I think we will just get back together. A lot of the time I want to. I want to be able to hold your hand when I get the urge, or kiss you, or just hug you. At the same time I think deep down it is best to let it end. It would make sex a lot easier to do without, that's for sure. And I suppose we aren't exactly a great match in more ways than one. Most of all marriage. Do you want it or don't you? Let's say you did, what about kids? Once I am married I can assure you I do not want to use birth control. I like kids,...

Ryan: hi honey. You are having a bad day again. I wish that I could fix it for you. I know I can't, but I do know what will help. You need to go to church again Ryan. I know you don't want to, and it is hard for you, but it would help. It's like there is a part of you missing, there's a hole that I know church can fill. I am glad Steve and the missionaries came to see you. To tell you the truth, I don't think it was just chance that my phone was at your house that night. God wants you to be happy, and he knows what you need to make you truly happy. It is so hard for me to see you so unhappy most of the time. Sometimes I wish I could leave you and not deal with it. But I love you enough that I can't. You mean a whole lot to me and I am willing to go through that pain, hoping some day you might love me as much as I love you.

I know somehow that you'll be sticking around your touch is so sweet your kisses a treat your smile makes my heart want to fly! Cuz you're my angel standing by. Well, now, some people may laugh and they'll watch as we pass But there's one thing I know is true When you came around my feet left the ground and that's how I knew I loved you! Now sometimes I wonder what my life would be, If someone took you away from me. And in an instant I know that wherever you go that's the place that I want to be. I would fly to the moon I'd sit on a star There's nothing that I wouldn't try If it could bring me to that angel standing by, Cuz all I need is you, my angel standing by. 4-8-03   2:00am K.J.K.

Dear Ryan, I hope that someday you can thank yourself for loving yourself instead of settling for less than the love that you deserve. You'll find one day that the pain you feel now is a piece of the healing, the pain won't last forever. You will realize that you made the right decision to walk away from people and places where you feel like you are unappreciated and unvalued. You are brave enough to choose yourself this time. You are brave enough to let go of all the things that hurt you, even though you love them more than anything else. My dearest self, you are strong enough to survive all the suffering that you've been through, and I know that you'll be proud of it someday. I want you to know that you deserve to give yourself a break from everything that tortures your heart and soul. You deserve to be happy, even after any heartbreak. You deserve to give yourself peace, even after being miserable for so long. One day, you will thank yourself for treating yourself be...

If this were my last night on Earth, There's nowhere I'd rather be, Than here in your arms, Wrapped up in your charms. Ryan, Thank you for last night. I could die happy knowing that that last night was with you.

Spreading Holiday Cheer This Year! I FREAKING LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH! Merry Christmas! I hope you have an absofuckinglutely amazing day. You are wonderful and the best friend anyone could ask for. But, you're mine... So yeah! Love you, Kat XOXO's P.S. it's 12:45pm and I'm half asleep  Zzz

Sometimes I look at you and I see sad, sad eyes I see a smile that you try to hide behind. I see a soul that is trying to break free to tell you the truth, I see a lot of what's in me. I also see a sparkle and a twinkle in your eye as slowly you forgive the things you try to hide. Your eyes are the ones I love to see as they gaze with such intensity your smile is of the dearest kind, formed by lips so full and fine. All in All I've come to learn why for you I feel this burn. In all these things I've come to know. You still feel the love you cannot show. K.J.K.

Ryan ~ hello honey! where are you? I hope you are not sick again. I will call you as soon as class is over. We are just discussing the reading from last time. We didn't have a quiz and I would not be surprised if we got out of class early. Wes still looks like he is not feeling well.  

Ryan, You asked me today after we showered if it had felt different. I didn't really know what you meant. But I have been thinking about it, and something was different. I don't think it was just when making love. I noticed it as soon as you said you had been looking for me. It seems so long since you have come looking for me. I don't know what happened today, but something changed between the first time I saw you and you were going to class, and when I came over around 1:00. You wrote something, something important enough to keep in your book. It may have nothing to do with me, but somehow it affected us today, the way you looked at me and touched me. When I walked over to look at your Lucy Book you grabbed my hand tight, like you didn't want to let go. I am not sure that is the case, but whatever it was it felt good! You looked at me differently and you were smiling, whether or not it was me, I am not sure, but it seemed genuine. Just the fact that you not only let me...

Dear Ryan, I wish I knew how to tell you how much I love you. It tears me up to think about ever not being with you! With all of this madness the past couple days, I feel like I've done a lot of nagging and complaining and I have failed to tell you how grateful I really am for all you do! You are a sweet and thoughtful man and you are so good to me! With all my 'hobbies' and messes, I'm sure I'm enough to drive someone mad! Yet you still love me. You take care of me and do so many simple, sweet things that mean so much. Even the fact that you fix my falling apart car or that you help me reach things I'm too short to get bring a smile to my face and I think about how much I love you. I am so grateful for your support and encouragement with my cakes and when I was auditioning for A.C.T., you are always there for me. I'm so sorry for the craziness lately. I feel terribly that I reacted so quickly without listening to you first. I will sincerely try to listen be...

To: My Love Ryan! What the heck is all this stuff? Magnet: where I live Little shell: from Barefoot Beach in Bonita Springs Key chain: from the Coconut Plantation Resort in Bonita Springs Big Shell: from day at Sunset Beach with kids Starfish: "surprise" from Walgreens Panties: surprise from the mall... I have some to match... P.S. if the flower survived, it is from Bonita Springs 7-8-06

August 3rd, 2006 To Ryan My Love: I am so excited to see you in less than a week! We will have a good time, and I will definitely keep you busy!! I am sad that we will not be together longer, but that time will come when it's meant to. You are my best friend, always and forever! Love,            Katie

 6-23-06 Ryan! Hey honey, I miss you! Thanks so much for your letter! It really made my day. I am sorry things have been so difficult for you. It is hard to make such big decisions in life. We never seem to know if it's right or not (I still don't know if I should have moved here!) but if we do our best it will turn out all right. Sometimes I wish I could move to Asheville (or wherever) with you, too, but if you feel it's not right, then I trust that completely. I am going to buy a notebook today so I can write you a real letter, but I hope this is ok for now. I love you!  ❤️ ~ Katie

To the Greatest Fiance in the World! I know that this Christmas is far from what you are used to, but I hope you have enjoyed it. I really couldn't have asked for anything more than to have you here with me! I love you so much and in many ways you have saved me! I'm glad you never gave up on me, though at time I'm sure you wanted to. We are going to have many difficult times, as all couples do, but I know that nothing will ever make me happier than creating a family with you that will be sealed for eternity! I love you! Merry Christmas!   ~ Katie

  4/26/05 To My Princess Ry-Ry I wanted to write you a poem, but I'm just not that talented. Basically, I just want to say you are great! You make me smile, make me laugh, sometimes make me blush! I know I will never meet anyone as great as you again and I thank God for the time and the memories I have. There's a million more thoughts I just can't put into words so I hope you know the full meaning in I LOVE YOU!

Ryan ~ hello my love! Today was a great day. I wish you were here with me. This morning Grammy and Grandfather took the kids so we got to go out on the boat. It was absolutely beautiful! Lots of gorgeous houses and we drove right by some dolphins too! Then we went swimming in the backyard all afternoon. Now we are just relaxing. I love you and I miss you! Love,          Katie